Huh, i didn t know anyone else did that.

It kinda disturbs me how much i like pain, but i hate marking myself in any way. I have a tendency to hold really hot cutlery fresh out of the dishwasher and seeing how long i can hold it, which left me some minor burns on my hands.

And once i broke my foot at school, but i didn t tell anyone about it, i just kept walking around on it, including walking all the way home on it, which was probably a mistake because i think it widened the crack and made it take longer to heal.

I never self harmed, just occasional bursts of anger which resulted in a couple doors being broken Thankfully I am over that now, for the most part.

you do?


Ew... That reminds me of the zombie guy in Resident Evil(the movie) that walked on a broken ankle... Made some pretty aweful crunching noises... Didn't your foot make weird noises??

Yeah, a rather unhealthy habit i suppose. I don t like food to begin with and when i get depressed, i just won t feel like eating for that day, i guess that s a part of self-harm because it feels like i want to punish myself by not eating sometimes.



No, i stopped as soon as i started getting minor burns because i m really paranoid about scarring myself. I really don t mind pain but i can t stand the idea of having a marked body. I don t think there s anything ugly about it, i just worry that other people will think differently. I hate attention and i don t want to give anyone any reasons for looking at me strangely.



I remember that guy. But my foot only made a muffled crack when it broke and wasn t that noisy after that. I could kinda feel it grinding as i put my weight on it, but i m sure no one else would ve been able to hear anything.

Ah yes, scars... Well that's why I wear long sleeves unless alone.



*imagines the grinding feeling*

eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Yeah, burns on the hands harder to hide and i really don t need anything more to feel self-conscious about.

Hm... you have a point...

I understand being able to hide it from everyone else, but what about the people you live with? Isn t that a lot harder? And if anyone sees it, won't it lead to a need for explanation, which is kinda awkward to give?

Well my family knows HOW I got my scars, but they believe that I've stopped.

When I do cut, I only do a little at a time. That way they heal, and I only wear long sleeves all the time for a short period. Then I alternate sleeve lengths so my mom doesn't suspect a thing. :/

Obviously I've put thought into this.

Obviously.

I couldn t have scars because then the people around me would know and i hate having them think lower of me. I don t want any of them to think i m weird, so i try my best to act as normal as possible around them.

that's probably the best way to go. :/

It is exhausting sometimes and impossible to keep up all the time, but i try my best just because i have an unhealthy obsession with how others see me.

Well in a way, we all do.

And of course i d feel really guilty if i ever thought i made anyone worry about me, i don t want to feel like a burden to those around me.

Ah yeah that makes sense. I'm somewhat jealous-I could never stop just because I don't want another person to worry.

But it feels like i m suppressing myself for the sake of others. I worry that i ll suffer in the long run because i can t properly open up to them, just because i don t want them to know something is wrong and get worried over it. Out of the guilt i would feel, i would prefer to suffer rather than others, which doesn t sound too personally healthy.

yes...

sadly, i'm not sure what to say to that...

i'm not smart and intelligent like Nadine, so I run out of things to say...

sorry hun.

Sometimes just someone listening is theraputic enough without any advice, so thank you.

It s been suggested here i get some professional help, maybe that would be for the best if i am actually looking for advice and don t want to burden my friends and family, who probably wouldn t know what to say anyway.

If that stuff works for you, then yes I would probably suggest it.

But I always found it annoying,because every therapist I was sent to always told my parents everything.

But really, just talking to someone in general helps. All "professionals" just kinda sit there, listen, write stuff down on a clipboard,and get paid a bunch of money. :/ Except they CAN give you medications if you need it. Which I guess is a plus.

I ve never tried it, i always avoided for the reasons u said, but i guess i can t really judge something i haven t done. So maybe i should just give it a go and if i don t like it, stop.

I really do prefer the idea of just having a really close person who i could be comfortable being completely honest with, but you can t get what you want, i guess this is a close second option (for now, at least).

I agree.

You should try it, and if you like professional help then go for it. ^-^

Talking things over really does seem to help in the long term, even if it makes me realise somethings that upset me temporarily. A few of the people who i ve met on the hiki forums have really helped me in that respect.

I'm happy they have.

We can find help in odd places, but sometimes it's the best.

Yes, i think it was slightly because of it being strangers who i had less of this complex about them thinking less of me, but mostly i believe it was just something as simple as it was talking to similar people to me who i could relate to and it was relieving that there were others out there going through similar problems.