i scratch/bite the the skin around my fingernails off. i do this all the time, but i tend to do this more when im depressed. my fingers look disgusting because of it, and doing this resulted with many unpleasant situations (like being in a restaurant with my family with having bleeding fingers->akward) . also refusal of food or lots of food, kind of depends.

I continueously pick the skin on my lips, especially when I'm stressed. Half the time I don't even know I'm doing it.

I do this too... generally when I am stressd by yes I know all about doing that. It messes with my phones touch screen.

When I don't take my pills I sometimes burst the acne and cuts on my back to see if I can get it to hurt or if I can get blood out.

I do that all the time & always have, pretty much, but it's more of a habit than a self-harm thing for me.

Usually, I either punch the wall in my room or bang my head against it. I'll get in trouble for hitting my reason for despair, so I take it out on the wall.

I once actually tried killing myself. I thought that I was the most pathetic worthless stupid human being out there, a thought that had been there for almost five years. I decided to end it all with some rope. It failed when someone caught me in the act. Now I'm still here.

I still think I'm the worst person in the world, and despite how often people tell me otherwise, I don't believe them. I have high hopes for everyone else... but I don't really matter. I'm the most subtle person in my school. And I continue to make that hole in my wall bigger because I'm so depressed.... My head and hands hurt.

I hate how people tell me I am a wonderful person. Most know it is not true yet they feel bad admitting it. Whenever people tell me I am great it puts me into a deeper depression. Especially when it is women who I am attracted too.

"You're important." "You're a good person." All of it, I can tell it's sympathy... it doesn't make me feel any better, please stop trying to convince me that I'm a good person.

Pills. But I quit doing that after a few hospital stays. I won't be actively suicidal again while my mom's alive, I guess I owe her that after seeing what she went thru after failed attempts. Doesn't mean I can't be passively suicidal tho, I I weigh 75 lbs and smoke like a chimney. I don't want to extend my life, I just don't want my mom to have to deal with suicide, which she calls 'selfish'. I think expecting anyone to live thru pain every day just to not upset you is selfish. But that's a whole other subject.....

Yeah, I just don't get it, where do they see it? Personally I just think they hate the fact that I don't enjoy life. I bet if I was happy they would go out of their way to tell me the truth.

I overdosed on sleeping pills in my early twenties and did enough damage to my heart that I've shortened my life-span considerably.

That sounds absolutley horrible.
While I have thought on occasions of ending it all, part of me is completely paranoid that it will go badly wrong.

When my dad died, I went through this phase of plucking my hair out. Not in clumps, but individually.
It became more of a habit than anything else. Used to watch TV while doing it, reading books etc.
My mum eventually became really freaked out and used to scold me for it. Which was good because this was at a point where I was completely unaware that I was doing it.

When I look in the mirror, I can see the areas where my hair used to grow. It's not crazily bad but it's enough of a reminder of a bad time I went through.

I'm sorry to hear that.
I've overdosed on sleeping pills+alcohol on two occasions, and woke up in the emergency room both times in life-threatening states.
I like using drugs recreationally, but I always tend to go overboard, so I've had to drink charcoal/get my stomach pumped several times. I also used to cut in high stress situations, (for example, immediately after tripping and stumbling by the bus stop in front of a group of people,) but switched to less obvious coping methods when I realized how much of a stigma there is associated with the act. Or the signs of it, I guess.

Once I was really stressed because I had to go to some kind of "Psychosomatic" clinic for 6 weeks straight.
It was because of the constant headache I'm having (which cause is still not found) since over 2 years.

I began to scratch off the skin of the back of my hand until it bled for the first 2 weeks of stay because I couldn't take the stress.
In a very helpless situation I became very depressive and had the urge to cut myself.
I did so later on in the bathroom with a razorblade. Had the urge to cut my wrists but decided to do it on the thighs to prevent it to be obviously seen.
I kept on doing so until the very last week.

My dreams at night were horrifically brutal, fleshy and disgusting.
Then I saw a dream on nearly the last day of stay where I had my entire arm deeply sliced up, lengthwise.
It made me realize I should stop cutting.

I stopped cutting and I am not doing so anymore. The dreams have also stopped.
The pain in my head is still present though... That's why I often hit my head against the wall until I pass out.
It doesn't really make the pain go away, but it covers the pain with pain. Sounds stupid but works.

Oh and I wanted to ask if these scars will ever heal?
I cut pretty deep, so I am not sure...It's been about 4 months since then.

Also, I haven't talked to anyone but my best friend about it. Nobody else knows about it.
I didn't even tell the psychologist I'm visiting about it (which I doubt I ever will).

Mine haven't, but I tended to run the blade over the same cut a few times.

I'm sorry to hear about your hard times. I can relate, especially to the 'covering of the pain' bit.
When I cut, it feels as if all of my anxiety leaves my brain, and begins channelling itself into the flesh wounds. No more frantic trembling, pacing, squeezing shut of eyelids, and grimacing due to anxious thoughts and frustration. The flesh wounds serve as a different type of pain, well, physical pain, which I find much more tolerable than the pain of emotions and anxiety most of the time. That's why I do it. Also, cutting, (and even the thought of cutting,) brings feelings of calmness and relief over me. Just knowing that I can redirect the discomfort of my mind in some effective way at my own leisure is awesome. That's why it was hard for me to begin to do it less. Addictive.
Also, after I do it I feel exhausted and worn out because it does hurt. My body goes into a sort of recovery mode in response. This is like, bliss for me. I can't feel anything but dull stinging, and things tend move through my mind much slower.
I dunno. I think there are tons of reasons for why it works but that's mine I think.



The wounds will heal, but there will always be tell-tale scars. Which sucks. When you fall and cut yourself, or nick yourself, the cut usually blends into your skin because the wounds aren't as deep, and they've broken the skin at random. Not so when you self-inflict. You can immediately tell if someone cuts from looking at the scars because the scars are mechanical looking. Usually very straight and rigid. So that sucks.
But the good thing is, they will fade a bit. People who don't know about cutting will be none the wiser, and might just think you slipped while climbing a fence or something. It matters how severe the cuts are, how many, etc. And if you're really worried, you could always get a tattoo, or wear a type of concealer on the problematic areas.

I see, I've done that too, but only to write something with the blade cause I was tired of making the same straight lines over and over again, lol.
Exactly the same here. It makes me kind of feel at ease and it's a big relief.
It's like a drug that makes you forget about the pain.
I think I would have continued if there wasn't this dream, and the fact that I would be afraid that my parents would find out.Thanks for the advice! The tattoo is a good idea. Though I wouldn't really need any kind of concealment since I only did it to my thighs.
I was just wondering when, and if they will vanish. Because I see them every time I do something like taking a shower or changing my clothes.
I don't really like to see the scars...

I feel like when I think about the 'worst things I've done to my body,' I tend to think about only the physical things, but I do a lot of psychologically fucked up things to cope with stress too.

Like obsess about things that cannot be undone or changed until I'm a fucking mess on the floor. I really wish I wouldn't torment myself so much and push myself down so far after I make mistakes, or underachieve in some area of my life. That's just totally unfair to myself. I wish I could learn to love myself unconditionally, regardless of what I actually do in my day to day life. It would be a miracle if I could actually like myself simply for existing. That would be awesomeeee.

I guess lately it's only the hitting and breaking of stuff (which hurts to hit) and how I peel all the skin off of my fingertips.

^^ Do you break stuff like, deliberately? Like part of a tantrum? Sometimes I have tantrums when I'm really stressed out. In private, of course. Sometimes it's like, throwing shit down in a rampage, like all my books, but then sometimes it's like, slowly pulling the tape out of a cassette.

I rip the skin of my lips with my teeth constantly. I only know I do it when I can taste the blood on my tongue. I've slammed my head against things and bitten myself multiple times.

Nuuu pookie! Not allowed. Who will watch Don Giovanni with me if you're
busy hanging out with the real Mozart in the sky!?