today i kinda went crazy

i just took my knife out and cut the shit out of my arm

i mean the underside is almost completely red
and the top and sides are covered and cuts.

lots of blood kinda freaked me out.

now it hurts like a bitch and i have no idea how i'll hide this from my mom till it heals

Why did you do this stuff?
Hurting yourself wont be a solution for anything, please dont do this.

Maybe it's not a solution, but it sure does help. I used to cut myself, too. Nothing too much though, and never used a razor. I just loved the physical pain that came from that and that weird taste in my mouth.

I dont get how pain can be joyful, dont want to test it out either, i think its not good to do this thing,

i never got a weird taste in my mouth :0
unless you put the blood in your mouth? o.O




it's habitual, i don't even think about doing it. like how an alcoholic never thinks about drinking until he's actually doing it.

No, not the blood. I always get this weird taste in my mouth when I get cut (intentionally or not). I don't know, it's kinda sour and sweet at the same time I guess.

o.O

i don't know anybody that's experienced that

First, there was a suicide attempt. I'd never been happy, and was basically used for all my life to being constantly manipulated and treated like complete trash by everyone I ever met, except for maybe two people (because that's what people here do to "obviously weak and stupid" people). But when I really couldn't take it anymore (things got extremely bad), I tried to kill myself, and ended up in a psych clinic, here in Romania.

Then, I had horrible PTSD that my family completely ignored and tried to punish me for by ordering me around all the time and controlling every aspect of my life (psychiatrists that caused it then told my mom I was only acting out and seeking attention, I imagine to cover up their purely prejudice-based, sadistic "treatments", ridicule, brainwash, and plain treating me like a disposable guinea pig), so basically I kept getting ordered around by everyone, family and psych staff, sent back to my snakepit school, forced to only go out with certain people that my mom chose from her acquaintances, some of them obviously disturbed, made to feel like hell... All the while being forced to take 4 meds that all had horrible side effects and were making my anxiety far worse. The head psychiatrist heavily lied to my mom about everything... Either that, or she knew nothing about psychology/psychiatry; everything she (and her puppet residents) said was meant to destroy me, "because I could obviously handle it, because I was obviously only acting out about everything".

So I got addicted to various (additional) drugs, whatever I could get my hands on, to numb the pain, one at a time - because I couldn't complain about anything. All I ever got throughout my life was contempt and ridicule, I typically had support at home throughout the years, but this time it was completely gone all of a sudden, and my life came crashing down - worse than what made me try to off myself. So with all evidence pointing against me, I actually firmly believed I was trash and that I deserved all of it.

I also have scars down my arms from cutting.

Sorry for not just listing "suicide, substance abuse, binge drinking and cutting", but I kind of really felt the need to vent

Edit: I don't expect anyone to reply to this post. I wanted to just give a bit of background on what caused me to self-harm in whatever ways, but it felt good typing all that, so I went on... Sorry if this was bad in any way.

Thanks for posting. I get a lot out of reading about other people's experiences.

That's reassuring

When I experience high-levels of stress, I tend to just cut my upper, left arm.
I do this because I do not know of a better way to deal with the stress.
And in a way it is like an exchange. Physical pain seems to temporarily "mask"
the stress and unwanted feelings I have within me.
I am not advising others to self-inflict themselves also. I think it's best to reach out
to someone you can trust when you are in pain. I do not have anyone like that in
my life as of now, so my only option is the psychologist/psychiatrist (whom I should
be seeing again!!! -_-;;)
People I know in real-life also think that I have stopped cutting, but this is because
I keep it a secret.
It is my choice, but I don't intend on perpetuating this habit forever.

Bought bottle of vodka, big pack of aspirin and another pack of pills... went home druing just a bit (I dislike drinking alcohol) took as much pills as I could, cut my wrist... after 30 min I threw up on carpet... after 3h of reopening the wound I went to sleep, was to tired and bored( I cut one vain but i couldnt cut more because of very unplesant feeling while cuting muscle)...

I only ever cut once and thought it was stupid when I was doing it.

Since then I just bite my arm or hands. It works, less obvious, and no blood.
You really only have to start worrying when you start drawing blood. Then it could bleed a lot. lol

I cute twice, right before being sent to a psych hospital. Seeing how bad those kids hurt themselves made me vow not to try that again.

I used to stab myself with pencils and pens and claim I fell. I used to throw rocks on my shins hard enough to potentially really break bone. I used to slam my head against any hard surface whenever I got frustrated at myself.

Nowadays I bite myself hard enough to break skin. I wear sweaters all the time to hide the marks...

I went crazy a few times and hit my head on my walls, slapped myself, strangled myself, pushed a pillow onto my face so I'd stop breathing, attempted to drown myself, threw myself down stairs, punched myself, burned myself, bit myself, hit myself on the sides of my bed (It's metal bars so it hurts), and the most common one is scratching the skin off of the backs of my hands. I scratch myself more often though because I'm told to do it by a hallucination. It's some pretty crazy shit. I can't think of anymore things I did, though.

I've never really told anyone this stuff before, so I feel kinda stupid but...
If involves SI, I've probably done it.

1. Cutting, biting, and scratching -- I have hundreds of scars all over the place: arms, wrists, shoulders,
thighs, calves (to the point where my skin texture is actually striped, lol), chest, blah... That's boring.
2. Dermatillomania and Trich, but those are anxiety-related, not depression. I pick at my skin
until it bleeds. Often I'd pick at my lips in school absent-mindedly and wouldn't notice until
someone pointed out the blood dribbling down my chin.
3. I don't take medicines for my stomach problems, which often leads to a lot of pain (but also weight loss).
4. Broke a tooth from bruxism....but that's anxiety too.

Umm, I think the worst depressive episode I had might have been when I got so sick of everything
that I stole a few tbs of potassium cyanide from uh...somewhere...(maybe I shouldn't say) and almost took it.
But since I pussed out at the last minute, that doesn't count, haha. That was years ago, though.

l did something very similar to that. Very similar. The only difference is l ODed on my medications rather than just aspirin. Didn't throw up. Just sleep for one and a half days. Too drugged and drunk to cut properly. Some wounds did bleed though. l just fucked up my liver and kidneys.

I full out punch myself in the face or hit my head on things when I'm guilty. : / I've also burnt myself with a lighter to test my pain tolerance (which is high). I've got a huge smiley from a lighter because my friend held it for about a minute and pressed it onto my skin.

I've done things like bite myself & pinch myself & pull my hair & once punched a wall (not too long ago & now there's a hole in it I hope I don't have to pay for it before we move). I did most of those things when I was younger, especially a kid, & don't do most of them now. But I've never done anything worse like cut or burn myself, even though I have had very strong urges to cut myself. I even had a dream once where I completely cut myself up & thought it was real until I woke up & realized I wasn't bleeding.

For me it is not eating. Depending on my mood I might also over work my body. However, mostly it is not eating.

Scratch and bite myself. I scratch my arms and my abdomen over and over, and I have bitten my hands very hard. Usually in anger. Or I will overeat because food comforts me.

Noodles? Let's stop biting ourselves and go yomp some tasty noodles together instead!

Noooooodlessssss

Cut myself so deep that I have very obvious permanent scars. It's embarrassing when people enquire.