*you're right.

I know, thanks . It's a big deal.

stab stab stab

I have a very complicated relationship with a handful of people. I think it rises and falls depending on what my current relationship with them is, along with the stress in my life.

Right now? Yes.

about 10 months ago I decided to leave my wife, we were both mutually thinking the same thing. And then tried marriage consoling and eventually she gave up, and I just fell to pieces but got back up and went out more. Nothing is the same really, and I gave up the apartment and moved back with family and attempting to pick some classes up and focus on education vs work. Just feels like I could have done more, and at present I am done with classes for now and am not currently working. Just rethinking my life on what I could do to improve it and at the same time looking back on what I may have done wrong in my marriage. Gave up drinking and even going out a little just to avoid people. This month I volunteered at a convention for 4 days so i could see friends and maybe make a difference in other peoples life. Still that depression is there, and I have no idea how to move on, still have my wedding band on, and I feel hopeless even though my x has moved on. I made a promise to never date a gold digger or cheater ever again because of her, and to avoid bisexual women/swingers.

Feel most of my life is messed up, and instead of moving forward I am moving backwards and everything is passing me by.

Yeah, the cause is my fear of not being able to support myself financially due to my lack of skills/work experience/motivation.

Correction my (x) wife, as well as my hopes and dreams of actually having a real family is why i am depressed

bastards bastards who lie and make accusations of me based on lies. bastd wo dont keep what they say i hate them so much. creeeps who mock me and think low of me merely because of my appearance and choices in life. who are they to think theyre any better. atleast i can do and live my life the way i want to and they ar too chicken shit to follow their own wants because theyre too chained to.. ok i think thats enough i feel too dizzy now ill go to bed

I know how you feel trust me.. want to just scream myself sometimes, sick of my own family correcting me now and blahhhhh

-Ancestral history of mental illness
-Extreme shyness and being quiet since age of 2, therefore lacking crucial early social skill development
-Issues with gender identity
-Crazy ass family
-Egalitarian, non-materialistic ideology fundamentally out of step with modern cultural trends
-Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
-Isolation and alienation
-Fears of abandonment

A list, you came prepared, lucky its the weekend and i am drinking or I would spread out a few more pages worth of my own personal bs.

I am depressed cause I was expecting our own government to have a shut down, its not fun unless there is anarchy.

wah i might be jobless if the government shuts down boohoo.

anyway i was delirious last night so...

anyway aside from the new events in my life, my life is actually not very happy. however, i think im handling this significantly better now. maybe either ive become more accepting saying things like this is jsut the way it is, what can one do or being hopeful that this may be this now but things can get better and its not forever...

There is this woodpecker outside and it will not shut up, even at 12 am

Lack of meaning in my life, I feel as though if I had some sort of purpose or goal I really and I mean really wanted I would do just about anything to get there.

I'm extremely lonely, all I ever do is sit on my couch, watch tv, and go on the internet everyday until I go to sleep. Nobody talks to me anymore, and when I try to make plans with people they're always busy or they ignore me the whole time. I feel like nobody listens to me no matter what I say. I'm at home by myself pretty much all the time and every day I feel worse and worse.

Yeah, i think there are.

I don't know if they are good reasons tough.

Depression is a survival mechanism. It exists for a very simple purpose; to motivate one to change their situation.

Huh, this is an... Interesting vision of it to say the least, may i please ask you what do you mean with it? specifically, the bolded part?

I only feel alive when I'm in the deepest pits of sorrow.

I only feel real when I'm dreaming.

People having a stranglehold over each other. This is a complicated problem, because it stems from the insanely wide variation of human interaction and consequently its intertwined causes and outcomes. Why are there always (most often a majority of) people who adamently believe that they know how everyone should act, think, feel. Do they simply fail to develop any feeling of reciprocity? Everyone wants to thrive, to develop his or her personality freely.

Part of it is hidden here: I don't approve of what Rosa Luxemburg did, but in one point she was absolutely right, "Freedom is always the freedom of the one who thinks differently".

I believe in a world in which people treat each other respectfully and in which people accept their own frailty just as easily as the flaws of everyone else and therefore hesitate to make final judgements. I'm not talking about a world without conflict. There are always competing ideas and pluralism is the greatest wealth humanity has, as long as it's peaceful, but I honestly wish there'd be more compassion and less self-interest, less double standards, more authenticity and true tolerance. Especially since I moved to Berlin 10 years ago I'm under the impression that for most people 'tolerance' equals 'ignorance'.

My depression is caused by my seclusion. I don't like people and social situations, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to go out and do stuff sometimes. Being cooped up in my room every single day really gets me depressed.