So much so that if my kitty was not alive anymore I would be finishing off my suicide notes.

I wish I was dead already. I am 22 and I gave up on life a long time ago (more than 5 years), and since then i haven't done anything at all.

The only reason why i am still alive is that I want to die peacefully and I don't have enough money to do the trip (I don't have any money at all, I live with my parents, and there is no way I am getting a job), but I know for sure that sooner or later I will kill myself. That's the truth.

I'm not sure if I would consider myself suicidal in general, but I've always wanted to die. I will not and cannot actually off myself, because I hate to think of how much it would hurt my parents, but I don't really understand the point of living, I guess? I've been through a lot, and suicide just seems like the logical decision to come to. My life wouldn't matter if I were dead, so hell, why not?

That said, I rarely actually consider doing the job, so I guess it's more about a lack of will to survive than being suicidal.

I wish I could die right now, with no effort on my part.

Yeah, that's the way I feel most of the time. I wish I was dead, but I can't bring myself to ever commit suicide because I know it would hurt my parents and I really don't believe in suicide anyway.

So many good reasons why I should, no reasons why I shouldn't. You won't though will you. There's another stick to beat yourself with, you don't have the courage to kill yourself. Why don't you just fucking do it? You know that you will have to do it eventually, no pension plans, no tearful grandchildren lamenting your passing. I hate being alive, it fucking burns. Just cut your damn wrist and it all goes away. I won't though. I see that as a failing. If I had any self respect left then I would kill myself.

Mainly not.

But a little.

Yes, I am very suicidal. If not for my cat. I would be long gone.

@Gavrilo Princip : I wish I had plenty of reasons to do it. I have the problem of having no good reasons to kill myself.

Nope. Haven't been for about a month and a half now.

No, I pretty much already consider myself dead.

Yep.

I would like to die.

No, you would not. You're needed here. Besides, I love that picture you have in your signature now.

I don't know. Rather then numbers, like x/10, its more like rationals toughs on the whole thing from time to time. I feel things moving in a funnel shape, and sure i feel alone, stressed and crushed on the inside, but its what i no longer feel the gets me worried.

I once knew this person who talked about "hollows" inside, i understood it at the time, and i could relay to it... but never at this intensity, boy was i dumb and innocent hum?

I also feel like i've done all i could, and i really did try hard, with the best intentions. I'll just keep trying, oh... i will... what else do i have to do? i got to. Until i can't? I guess? then what

ffff... even my hands tremble while i write, and think of words. I don't even want to go to bed, its like im scared of a new day, and its been like this for a while now. Some part of me picks up the pieces and pushes me forward in an illusion of strength. Lies told to a liar, and i'm both.

Live just to spite life. Spit in the fucking eye of any meaning, grab hold and ride the fucking absurdity of being alive.

Yes I am. Lately I've just been so sick of life, but I'm too much of a coward to actually commit suicide. My life is just one big repetitive schedule and I'm sick of it. It might not mean much to you guys, but these past few days I've been really worried about this new internet policy and how it would effect my life if it got passed. Basically it gives the ISP's the right to cancel someones internet service if they're suspected of downloading copyrighted content. Since my entire life is based around me downloading and watching copyrighted TV shows and anime that would really end up screwing up my life if it goes through. Basically this is my life: get up, eat, go on the internet, watch TV, eat again, go back on the internet, watch more TV, and then go to sleep.

If I lose my internet I also lose my TV since everything I watch is downloaded. You guys might think I'm just being a little baby, but you need to realize that this is my entire life. This is the only thing I live for. If I lose this I lose the will to live because I have nothing else to live for. I've thought about checking myself into one of those mental health hospitals since I spend 24/7 inside my room with no social contact, but I don't know how my dad would react if I told him I wanted to be checked into one of these places. Not sure if it would do much good either. God I hate my life. You want to know what the worst part of it is? I don't actually enjoy going on the internet, or watching TV. I just do it since it's the only thing that passes time quickly. Honestly if I had a choice I would rather sleep all day since I hate being awake.

^ Same, I don't enjoy getting on the internet either; and I usually hate being awake, too. I pretty much am living out of mere habit...

I can't say I've ever been suicidal, but I've been wishing to die/disappear since my early teens (I guess that makes me passively suicidal?). I've been saying "it's too late" since then. I wish I wouldn't have given up so early. I would have tried doing more with my life if I would have known I would live to be 23. Now I really wish I could end it all.

But I am too passive, self-conscious and somewhat afraid to try anything. I also don't want to disappoint my family, even if they generally dislike me. And I guess there still is a sliver of hope, curiosity, and vengeance (to make every person that has ever doubted and hurt me eat their words) left in me.

You know what I really, really, really want? A time machine. If only I could go back in time and fix all of my mistakes...

I understand I am needed. Just because I said I would like to die doesn't mean I am afforded the luxury to die right now. It's a lot like saying if someone would like to have five cookies, it doesn't mean cookies shall magically appear.

I've thought many times about how much better I could live my life if my current mind were somehow transferred into my younger self. But that is impossible, so wishing for it is a waste of time. If I were to go on wasting the present by lamenting the past I would find myself ten years from now saying to myself "oh if only I could go back to when I was 23 again..." Live now if you want to. The past can never be altered, but you are creating the future right now.

^Yes, I know. Well said.

For the last month or so, I've had suicide thoughts most of the time (these thoughts are nothing new to me but it has not been this intense in many years). One night I walked to a bridge and sat on the edge, considered jumping down but couldn't do it. It increasingly feels that I am trapped, alone, in a life that is falling apart (no money, no work, no education, no real life friends, living with an abusive parent, existing mental health problems) and tend to see no escape. If I manage to build some hope, it's quickly smashed. So much that it feels like there would be some instance which gives me punishments if I don't stay in my place as an unhappy person. Maybe the only reasons why I'm here still are my cat and the people I know online (although most I've lost and struggle to keep the existing ones).

Can you get away from the parent that's hurting you? If not now, then in the near-ish future? Do you have a plan to escape?

Dealing with that shit will make anyone suicidal, once you get out things are hard, but hard in a way where you can have some hope for the future instead of being ruled by some vicious ass who kicks all the joy out of life.

I hope... well, I dream that I could manage to find a part-time job, survive in it and make just enough money to live by myself. But the more time passes the more unlikely it seems. Sometimes I actually do think about escaping... just going somewhere even if I'd end up homeless.

i guess, maybe a little. i'm currently failing school and i'm really lonely and hopeless, but i'm trying to keep myself alive cause there's so much good music and art i've yet to discover.
i don't look both ways before i cross the street, or be careful anymore, just cause i really don't care what happens to me.
if anything, though, my ideal way to die would be some attractive killer sneaking into my house and chopping me to bits. that'd be nice.

You'd be surprised the amount we have in common,
I have written countless suicide notes and letters to few people that would wonder what happened to me.