As most of you may know, I have a flare for the dramatics. Most of you are forced to see posts about how much my life sucks to me

One minute, I could be perfectly normal. Cheery, talking your ear off. Then a few minutes I'll look like I'm about to hang myself.

I hate doing self-diagnosis but I'd swear on my brother's grave(NOT SERIOUS omg I'd never do that) that I have manic depression. It gets to the point where I'll slice my arm apart and think about jumping infront of traffic(I live near a very busy road) to just end it.

Then later I'll be laughing with Shayne about going into Super Asian Mode.

I wonder if I should go onto anti-depressants, but I don't want to admit to my mother that I have a problem. And I don't want her to know that I hurt myself. She'd also force me into therapy-which I absolutely detest-and bug me non stop about asking me if I'm doing okay.


If there's one thing I CAN'T stand, it's being bugged about my mood. If I say nothing, there is either nothing wrong or I don't want to talk about it.



But is anyone else like that?

Sometimes, I'm jumping up the nations. Others, It's pretty much an emotional fire.

I know exactly what you're talking about, Kuri.

Yes I know what you mean, there are some minutes where you forget about the problems you have currently, you just enjoy the here and now and just from one second to another it takes you back to reality because it overcomes your mind again.

My mood varies a lot too. I can go days, weeks, even months without thinking about life, and being perfectly content. But then all it takes is one little thing to affect me, and send me into depression.

I actually got this diagnosis few months ago and medication (Valproic acid, benzodiazepines and beta blockers for side effects caused by valproic acid) after I ended up to a hospital because of failed suicide attempt. I have to admit it's good to be here, when there are less depressive episodes and more hypomania.

After the diagnosis, I wasn't really surprised although my knowledge from this disorder was so little. Everyone acted differently around me after hearing about it, they felt sorry for me. "You have right to be sad about it." Well, life goes on, no matter how complicated it is, that's what I thought. Lately I have been thinking about it more, I realize that nothing is really constant, even less for me and I can only blame myself for that.

I don't wanna understate anyone, but instead of diagnosing yourself, visit a doctor to get suitable treatment. Bipolar disorder isn't only excuse for mood swings.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I fit the symptoms in a lot of ways & in a lot don't. It may have been a misdiagnosis on my part, but the mood stabilizes sure help. I haven't had the one that kept me from being depressed, or at least that kept me from being suicidal, for 8-9 months now which is why I've been so horribly depressed for so long.

That reminds me, luckily I'm not psychotic. I still think it's better to have at least some kind of help instead of being alone thinking what is wrong in itself, even if one diagnosis doesn't fit, different psychologist or psychiatrist might give different opinion.

Yup. Even the smallest thing can make me happy, but another equally small thing can set me off.
Erm, particularly if "hormones" are involved, in which case I get overtly suicidal. It's sort of scary
that simple chemistry can suddenly send you out of control and that no amount of rationalization
can fix it.

I think that a lot of Kuri's problems might be/have been (since I think she left the site lol) hormones. From what I've heard/seen, she's only 14 or 16 years old & everyone's emotions are crazy at that age. Especially girls. I used to get really bad right before my period, but since I've been taking mood stabilizers, I usually can't even feel the PMS so am shocked when my period starts because of it lol.

TMI

It's all about brains and them screwing up with regulating norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin. Medication can fix it a little (or more than that), also guidance for controlling own life could decrease the risk of getting hospitalized or killed by own hand, assuming patient wants to improve her/his quality of life.

nothing new to tell me everything is clear.

I feel the same way. Some days I feel happy and forget about my problems completely, but other days I feel so depressed that I feel like I just can't go on anymore and I start thinking about just jumping off my roof and ending it all.

yeah i feel the same.

I know self diagnosis is frowned upon but i was rather screwed over by the system when i was younger, i was sent to counseling age 6 and got the whole if only you would try harder thing, i was seriously depressed at the time but i didnt know it thenno one told me so the whole experience only made things worse for me, but my brother is also manic depressive and we'r very similar so i think its safe to say my hunch is correct, besides that theres a strong genetic link.

I think im rambling (mixed state please excsue me) but realy the one thing that im glad for is that at least im not like this all the time no matter how depressed and/or anxious i feel i know it not going to last at least we dont have major depresive disorder or anything at least we get to experience the highs as well as the lows it balences us out makes us more philoshophical more aware of life in its entirety granted that its a mixed blessing id still choose it over normality any day. So its not all bad youve just got to remember no matter how bad you feel now befor long youll feel better than most do in their entire lives so hang in there maybe you can do great things many are those that left their mark on the world that were manic depressive. we get to be more than others even if we get more crap we get more of the good stuff as well so hang in there ok

Yeah, you're going to want to go to the doctor to get a diagnosis. You don't have to go to therapy, you can go to a nurse practitioner where you'll just talk about how you're feeling as of late, and they will decide what kind of medication to start you off on. It's mostly an experiment. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm on meds right now. It's better to break the ice with your mom and just get it out of the way, instead of letting it become worse. I kept it buried deep down for years until I finally cracked and my parents made me go to the doctor. It's better to start off early so you can have control over it.