apparently they aren't as cringeworthy as i though, probably
definitely. it is a harsh reality, i know and am reticent to say, but as a translator, Borges you are not (of course, no one else is, either). on the other hand,
Quote:
Pero me ha masticado los parpados y abierto verdaderamente los ojos ante ese hecho que todos conocemos pero en que nunca pensamos.
reminded me a bit of Ginsberg's obscene odes written on windows... i forget how it goes, exactly.
but anyway, about the translation thing, even if you'd said "masticated" rather than "chewed out" (not just because it's a 'big word': people sometimes say something like "ah, i got a bad grade, so my parents chewed me out," and because of this idiom, "masticate" is a less confusing translation) it would still be better in spanish. "me ha masticado," ............... ME is so much more direct, personal and ... just the sound, the cadence. i'm not ashamed to say that i hear what i read. "Pero" is a pause, two syllables instead of one, and just about the loudest sound your lips can make, P (although B similarly feels like spitting, just not as hard), then "me ha" is so soft, rolling to the back of the throat without the niggling hiss that's in the english before "masticado" drops like a drum beat... this is probably over analyzed, but i like that sentence.
i can't say i read the rest as carefully, but ---- well, maybe when you're older --- and i hope not --- but perhaps one day you will be, no not unlucky --- experienced, let's say --- enough to understand why the second passage can feel like the first.
i thought i was going to post something, but i've burned my eyebrows enough on this commentary.
Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:50 pm
Wakubo
Non-elitist
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:17 pm Posts: 50
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Re: Writing fragments.
She told me that it would never be the same, and it was never the same. Never the same, never the same.
_________________
Thu Dec 29, 2011 1:55 am
Dream
So much better than real life
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:18 pm Posts: 2833 Location: Asuncion, Paraguay
Country: Paraguay
Sex: Male
Re: Writing fragments.
abc123 wrote:
definitely. it is a harsh reality, i know and am reticent to say, but as a translator, Borges you are not (of course, no one else is, either). on the other hand,
I should work on my translator skills one of these days then. And also, thanks for the advice, abc.
Indeed i should have though better about the specifics of the word when i translate them (for example in the part you showed, i should have chosen masticated rather than chewed out, have to keep that in mind) And also abc, are you a poet or you practice poetry? i'm asking it due to your interest in the "rythm" of the passage, although i found it strange at first, i can see what you mean, and i should look out for that too in my prose (when i can of course) and finally, i'm glad you like that sentence! . That is very flattering as a writer.
Wakubo wrote:
She told me that it would never be the same, and it was never the same. Never the same, never the same.
Really cool one and a bit captivating (at first i though you were talking to someone in the thread by the way ) anyway, in the underlined part, although i think i know where you're coming from with the "echo" i think it would be interesting if you expressed through a more... "sliding" or "progressing(?)" prose. Of course, just my opinion tough.
_________________ Civilization does not consist in exporting much, or walking with hurry, or writing with correct ortography. It consist in the sweetness of the customs, in love and tolerance, in the native elevation of the feelings and of the ideas.
We must not judge his evil, we must heal it.
"It is not reason, more or less furnished, but will that makes the world march"
"A piece of your heart, A piece of your soul, Think what you feel, Write what you know."
Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:28 am
abc123
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 5:54 am Posts: 475
Re: Writing fragments.
Dream wrote:
abc, are you a poet or you practice poetry?
whitman and ginsberg. that's pretty much it.
Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:52 am
Dream
So much better than real life
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:18 pm Posts: 2833 Location: Asuncion, Paraguay
Country: Paraguay
Sex: Male
_________________ Civilization does not consist in exporting much, or walking with hurry, or writing with correct ortography. It consist in the sweetness of the customs, in love and tolerance, in the native elevation of the feelings and of the ideas.
We must not judge his evil, we must heal it.
"It is not reason, more or less furnished, but will that makes the world march"
"A piece of your heart, A piece of your soul, Think what you feel, Write what you know."
edit: uuurk, not exactly... this is revised. if you can, internet up the 1855 text.
Thu Dec 29, 2011 4:35 am
ponderance26
Elitist
Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:58 pm Posts: 400
Country: United States
Sex: Female
Re: Writing fragments.
Dream wrote:
Luckily i have a notebook which can work for that, now i just have to set myself the habit of carrying it (and a pen) with me at all times, i don't wanna let inspiring moments fade away into nothing. That reminds me too that i have to prepare myself a Dream journal.
That apprehension is for the content of the writings, or for the art craft of the writing (as in, for how well is it written)?
Honestly, both.
Dream wrote:
I think it will be really beneficial to you (and anyone) to explore that dark side in an enviroment such as art, i think that it will be not just therapeuthic, but... Empowering or catharthic or liberating, don't worry about how much time it can take, the writing forum and the writing fragments thread will always be here .
Okay. Yeah. That is all true.
Dream wrote:
And trust me, it is not pointless, of all the fragments i've seen on here, none of them i can call "pointless" in any sort of way
Well, I agree. I love reading the writing posted around here. I don't consider it pointless for other people. What I mean is currently I have the mindset of indifference regarding my own writing, and life in general, unfortunately. It feels unshakable. I try to feel other things but it's always there taking over.
Dream wrote:
...and of course, i will always enjoy reading your stuff.
Aw. That's really nice of you. Likewise.
Dream wrote:
by the way, ponderance, that is powerfully depressing how you wrote, well done!
Heh... well... okay then, thank you.
Dream wrote:
On the first one, at first it surprised since i've never read something of freeform (well, kinda once with something Skilpadle posted in the writing forum but that wasn't a freeform as this i think)
Hmm. I'll have to look around for that.
Dream wrote:
Still, after passing that, it is really good, seriously. The way it is written makes me think of some sort of instinct of though rather than something articulate or elaborated, it feels much more raw and pure.
Thank you. You're right there... it was written instinctively. It's good to know that it had that effect, too.
Dream wrote:
some things i loved where how it goes from "I'm caught in a rainbow of filth" to "I am a rainbow of filth", looking back (as if it were in the past, heh) it does happen that way, in that "snowball of misery"
Heh. Yeah... true.
Dream wrote:
and also liked the ending "I'm not -- -- not not not"
At the end I was debating myself... as I was contemplating whether I really am a kind person or not. Very much doubting my likeability. Thinking... Why am I so unkind to myself? Am I this way to other people? And not really knowing. As a whole, it was me feeling pitiful and unusual... resenting, hating what my life had become, and despite this being certain that I wouldn't change or was unable to. (I guess the preceding sentence could be considered the backbone of plenty of what I had written during that time.) The second is about still not experiencing a significant change, not feeling like a complete person...and being afraid to be close to someone...yet longing for someone to love and to love and understand me...dreaming about becoming a better version of myself with that person and vice versa.
Dream wrote:
Not like that means it is any less good that something elaborated. I confess you that at first when i heard of it i didn't think much of freeform, but with that i see that it has just as much potential as any other style . Also, just to comment, i can relate to that one, specially during my more depressed moments. And on the second one, oh man just how many times have i felt like that . If only that could happen at least once, well, man can Dream eh? . The way it's written is really dreamweaving too, i loved the poetry and rhyme, it really helps the "desiring the fantasy of my heart" essence of the writing. If you had more of these, i would love it if you would post them too, they are really great even if you might not think so.
It's good that you can relate to it. Also, I really appreciate your comments, Dream. Thanks for the feedback and the encouragement. Heh. Well, some of what I have written is good, I suppose. But some of it reads horribly -- the main reason being that it's stream-of consciousness. Though I may soon make an effort to use those as a springboard for something better or just revise them. I don't know. Just to note, not all are really brief.
Dream wrote:
No, i only ever heard of the song and the band when you mentioned it here, kinda like it even though country isn't what i tend to hear.
That's fine. "WIDoM" isn't a standout song to me either... I think it's lacking in some way...it was more the evolution of the song that I recalled as opposed to the song itself. That's why I mentioned "AotS"... it might resonate more. Doesn't have to though.
But... country?? The band is not of the country genre. They are alternative rock, but honestly span a few [sub]genres or styles at least(which is great), so I guess it was a fair assumption for hearing only that song.
(On an updated note... I see you've apparently come to really like that one, Dream. Hmm.)
Dream wrote:
Now i will look for that "Angels of the Silences" song, thanks.
Sure. I like "AotS" a lot better than "WIDoM". I really like the aggression and guitar riffs (not to mention the lyrics). If you looked up "AotS" on YouTube and you can't recall the aggression then that's because you listened to the alternative, acoustic version of the song which, imo, doesn't work too well. Make sure to hear the original. Btw, if you like some tortured, pensive lyrics you'd probably like the album Recovering the Satellites which features "AotS".
Dream wrote:
Awww please don't apologize ponderance, it's not necessary! I'm sure everyone liked the critiques you gave (that's how we improve) and i can tell you with certainty that i did liked them. Even if you might not have a degree i don't think it matters too much if at all really, i think this quote frames what i feel about the thing: "what i know about the general attitude about how higher education is perceived in the states is this, if the degree isn't immediately employable and a money maker then it's a bogus waste of time. to some extent it's true. i mean i didn't need to invest tens of thousands of dollars to open up Sartre or Sylvia Plath" Really, trust me that i know it can be hard sometimes to bring oneself to critique the works of others, but that's part of what we're here for, and more than likely the person does not only not mind, in fact likes it. I think it's kinda like what soulless said "Workshops believe in the concept of tough love", i know it's hard (i myself haven't gotten too past that either ) but you shouldn't worry too much about it, it's for the better of everyone after all. And, don't feel too bad about the facade thing, we understand things can be hard sometimes, just do and live the way you're comfortable with and the way you want to. I wouldn't call that post absurd or not level headed, if anything it was going really passionate. I don't think that anyone here would have felt that your ego went over your head, i think you were humble and i don't think that you were anything like pretentious or impulsive or overbearing at all. You know, i really wish that somehow i could tell you in a way beyond words and that goes deeper than the ears and the mind, that you really don't have why to be embarassed, i really wish i could, but with what i can:
Don't worry, there's nothing you wrote that would deserve embarassment.
Well, I appreciate that you made the effort to reply and I appreciate all of what you have to say about it. And thanks. But... I do believe my feelings about it are valid. To the point on post-secondary/higher education: I believe education is important and very beneficial (but also that it can come in different forms). There certainly is validity to what you've stated, and I guess I merely was feeling doubtful of myself. Again, thank you for the encouragement. Overall, though, I feel that I wrote in a way that was too spasmodic and shortsighted. Yep. To note something about the above quote of yours: I added/italicized the word "not" because based on everything else you said, it's apparent that it was missing... unless you subconscioiusly agree with me that I was NOT being level-headed. Ha. Um, anyway... I would like to forget about it now, if possible. Heh.
Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:12 am
Wakubo
Non-elitist
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:17 pm Posts: 50
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Re: Writing fragments.
Dream wrote:
Wakubo wrote:
She told me that it would never be the same, and it was never the same. Never the same, never the same.
Really cool one and a bit captivating (at first i though you were talking to someone in the thread by the way ) anyway, in the underlined part, although i think i know where you're coming from with the "echo" i think it would be interesting if you expressed through a more... "sliding" or "progressing(?)" prose. Of course, just my opinion tough.
It was just something I was saying when I was smoking. I guess I could make something more out of it... but I've lacked the motivation to write anything lately.
_________________
Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:42 am
Wakubo
Non-elitist
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:17 pm Posts: 50
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Re: Writing fragments.
Whiskey dripped chaotically down her chin, in uneven trailing. She was in a fit of rage. Were it not for the basking sunlight, the howls she would sound -- our Elenore.
In bold are edit's had to work for this one.
_________________
Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:47 am
Callipygic
Non-elitist
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:22 am Posts: 37
Country: South Africa
Sex: Female
Mood: Blah
Re: Writing fragments.
It was raining again.
She liked the rain. It made the world somehow more real, as if each drop was a little confirmation that the ground was actually there, even as it distanced her from it, forming a little aural barrier around her, muffling the sounds of life.
---
Hello everyone. Hope it's ok for a newbie to leap in here, and that I havn't broken some mysterious forum protocol my impatience has failed to identify
Just a little snippet that's been rolling around in the empty space between my ears, a mental picture I had to paint in words.
Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:13 am
SoullessHuman
All Love is Pure in its Depravity; All Innocence is Sincere in its Deception
This is a work in project I've been attempting to fiddle with for the past couple days. Any input would be greatly enjoyed!
Quote:
I no longer care who may be reading this.
Whoever it is.
I love you. Let us be together. We can be happy together, and neither of us will be lonely for we will always have each other.
I love you, so, hurry and let us meet, so we can begin our relationship. Because I love you, I'll tell you a secret. My most beloved secret but not as much as my love for you whoIhavenotmetbutwillsoon.
I have seen the secret to the world's sorrow, and the world's misfortune. Loneliness. Loneliness. We are lonely, we fall to ruin, and we remain living and dying in misery.
Even when we are close, we are not close enough
We must be closer to make loneliness disappear
thedreadedlonlinesstodisappear
And I have found the way for us to be closer, it told me how we can become closer
So close that we shall never separate
So close that neither of us shall ever be lonely again
I love you, let's be close together, and so neither of us shall ever be lonely
andneitherofusshallbesadagain
Simply by writing this I feel myself by your side, my face against your neck and skin against skin. My breath is gentle and sweet on your shoulder and your heartbeat underneath the hand that is mine on your chest. Your eyes closed in whatever dream you wander in and I watching your slightly open mouth inhale and exhale, and I will match my breaths with yours and slow my heartbeat to your heartbeat. Sometimes you will whisper and I will whisper back, so that maybe you will hear me and my words will always be that I love you. When you awake you will look down and see me curled to fit exactly to your body like two matching puzzle pieces. Just you and me. Your lips shall find mine and then I will kiss you and you will kiss me back. I will whisper to you what I have whispered to you all night and that will be that I love you. Then you will smile back at me and whisper back that you love me too.
buridontwantyouandmeiwantus
_________________ Ask Soulless a Question! I deceive everyone, I destroy everything And the place where light used to shine now remains Pulled away from my heart, here no longer Yet still I stay captive to my avarice chains
Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:50 am
Dream
So much better than real life
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:18 pm Posts: 2833 Location: Asuncion, Paraguay
Country: Paraguay
Sex: Male
Re: Writing fragments.
Let's see how this feels in the future:
Quote:
Leaves dancing in the warm sunset breeze caressed our cheeks so vaguely, an uncertain embrace had us both in the illusion of a moment, that for one moment amongs all the darkness could shine the beauty. The field, the sunset, the beach, the windmill, made me feel in a place more high and more pure than the world, the very air felt sweet in my throath. Even when deep down i knew this couldn't last forever, i wanted it to, i also wanted to lie to her and tell her that i could make it be always like this for her, but instead of what i wanted i caressed her shining golden hair, that hid the cuts of her neck, and whispered her a hope that belongs only to the two of us. She smiled, or at least in this place seemed a smile. In no more of five minutes we will return to the pathos of the tragedy and violence of the world.
But now the only in which i can think of, is in such beauty...
Soulless: That first line is quite powerful, i'm saying because the first time i read your fragment i didn't notice the
"I no longer care who may be reading this.
Whoever it is."
And said "Aww, that's such a cute and beautiful sort-of-experimental love writing..."
Now, reading that part changes everything.
Like i said, it's really powerful, also, the contents of the writing are really moving and, i think, relateable .
_________________ Civilization does not consist in exporting much, or walking with hurry, or writing with correct ortography. It consist in the sweetness of the customs, in love and tolerance, in the native elevation of the feelings and of the ideas.
We must not judge his evil, we must heal it.
"It is not reason, more or less furnished, but will that makes the world march"
"A piece of your heart, A piece of your soul, Think what you feel, Write what you know."
Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:23 pm
SoullessHuman
All Love is Pure in its Depravity; All Innocence is Sincere in its Deception
This is partially not safe for work due to gore! I mostly wrote it just to see how messed up I could get! (This was done over IRC)
Soulless Halim's scalpel slowly traces Jeb's neck. The larger man gives a lopsided smile and embraces the smaller hand in his manfist. The scalpel is dug under the skin. Halim watches the blood peek out, like a shy little boy from under his mother's skirt, leaning in to lick the blood away. -->| Scantron (~Dan@synIRC-270FFEE6.hsd1.mn.comcast.net) has joined #farreconforadults Scantron :U Soulless Scantron: Halim's scalpel slowly traces Jeb's neck. The larger man gives a lopsided smile and embraces the smaller hand in his manfist. The scalpel is dug under the skin. Halim watches the blood peek out, like a shy little boy from under his mother's skirt, leaning in to lick the blood away. Soulless Jeb holds Halim's head to his meaty neck, enjoying the sting of saliva as the Bostonian jams his tongue into the wound, cutting it deeper to taste more. <--| ShadesO`Gray has left #farreconforadults Soulless Continue? Y/N Dawny YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Scantron Y Soulless Done with the teasing, Halim leaves the lovebite to cut into Jeb's shirt, making sure to cut just deep enough to slash the skin. Jeb arches his chest toward the cuts, his large body surprisingly beautiful in the movements. Halim pulls the clothes away like a child eager for his christmas present, sharp eyes looking over the wide expanse of skin, and underneath the organs and muscles he loved... Soulless ...so much. Sequence oh gods Scantron I like where this is going. Dawny me too Sequence I just do not even Mactavish awesomeface.png =-= padri is now known as padri|works Scantron Soulless, are you gonna finish this? Soulless Scantron: do you want me to finish this Mactavish YOU FUCKING BETTER Scantron YES Dawny does Soulless jesus people I never knew you got your rocks off so much Scantron It's certainly not /arousing/ Scantron it's just fascinating Soulless Halim leans down, taking a bit of flesh he cut and peeling the skin away, listening to the muffled sounds as Jeb's vocalizations died in his throat. They both knew by the end of this he would be screaming, until he was too weak to scream anymore. Sequence wharrgarbl i am just going to ignore this Soulless Halim's careful eyes follows the peeling with rapt fascination, his scapel dipping in to aid in producing a clean cut, not unlike the precision of slicing a salmon's flesh from its spine. Soulless He then began to peel the skin along Jeb's stomach away, careful to make sure he did not yet puncture the abdominal cavity. He would play with that later. He dedicated everything he saw to memory; likely Halim and Jeb wouldn't have an opportunity like this again for a long time. Partly because Jeb would need to recover. Soulless With the painful cuts and peelings, Halim's tongue followed like an eager dog to its master, tasking his partner's exposed, pink flesh. Blood pooled over the exposed meat, and as Jeb looked at his own stomach the view reminded him of a landscape riddled with lakes. Soulless (what the fuck am I writing.jpg) Mactavish MOAR Scantron MOAR Dawny nods quietly, not demanding because that's RUDE Soulless The process was agonizingly slow, for both men wanted to savor the moment. However, both knew that they had to hurry now, before Jeb bled too much and needed to go into medical. The scalpel cut in earnest now, and peels of flesh flopped to the floor with wet slaps. Soulless Halim gently rubbed his hand over the skinned areas, enjoying the slimey feel and twitching muscles. Jeb threw his head back in a barely suppressed moan, echoed by Halim's own. Soulless Halim reached over, pressing his bloody hand onto Jeb's face. Obediently, Jeb opened his mouth, licking at his own blood with eagerness. Halim purred in approval, the scalpel digging in a bit deeper than intended as he began to cut into the left pectoral. A perfect square was carved. Like origami, Halim pulled and folded the skin against itself before stripping it away completely, nipple and all. Soulless Jeb flinched and his body curled a bit against the pain, but he bore it, for the gaze Halim bore flushed his body in a way he could never elicit with his imagination. Scantron (nuoh my god) Soulless (What the fuck am I writing.jpg Scantron (keep in mind that Halim has done this with a person at one point. They got better.) Mactavish (lolwut) Sequence (magical regeneration) Soulless The right pectoral was treated with less tenderness. It was more animalistic, Halim clawing more than neatly cutting the flesh away, so deep that the bones practically shone with blood against the red and pink around it. It was probably his imagination, but Halim almost felt he could see the lungs expand and contract. He dug his fingers in, enjoying the twitching warmth around his fingers. Sequence (actually, Mact, I showed Scan Mary and that happened and it was disturbing as FUCK.) Soulless Jeb bit into his arm to keep back his reactionary shout, his entire torso burned with a pain that twisted into a base pleasure once it reached his head. His teeth bit in until blood flowed into his mouth, coating his tongue in the taste of life. Soulless (should I stop yet) Scantron (NEVER) Soulless Halim twisted the flesh away from the ribs with the eagerness of a child pulling apart licorice candy twists. Then, with just as much tenderness, he lowered his head to give Jeb's sternum a gentle kiss. Jeb cried out now, too loud for his arm to muffle. In his mind, almost delirious with the pain, Jeb noted the practiced, precise nature of the movements that no amount of surgery could... Soulless ...provide. Not for something like this. He had to wonder, how many opportunities Halim had to practice this. Soulless Jeb's thoughts were interrupted by another source of the burning pain as Halim began to cut into the muscles of his stomach, opening him up like an envelope. His body twisted and flinched in pain, the exposed organs sloshing in his abdominal cavity. Halim let out a guttural moan in delight at the sight, wanting to cut open the organs he saw but knowing he mustn't if he wanted to play this... Soulless ...game again in the future. Soulless Instead, Halim stroked the intestines, large and small, the liver and the appendix. He stroked a bit of small intestine as if it were something more innocent, which Jeb could watch and lift his hips, begging with his body what his voice could not. Halim got the message and set the intestine back in its place, his wet hands staining his partner's pants as they were cut off with marginally... Soulless ...less care then what happened with the shirt. Jeb felt on his inner thighs Halim's hands, warm with his own body's heat and wet with his own blood. Soulless (no seriously what am I writing) Scantron (whatever it is i want more of it) Dawny (Me too) Sequence (I'm just over here trying to monitor without reading) Sequence (from here y'all are crazy) Sequence (but crazy is fun so keep going idk) Soulless Halim pulled off the clothes and the skin of his thighs, scraping off the knees so he could lick and suckle at the kneecaps with such tenderness that belied the ferocity in which his fingers dug into luscious legs, burrowing to scrape the bones. |<-- Daedalize has left irc.synirc.net (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client) -->| Daedalize (Mibbit@synIRC-15CDF17A.pn.at.cox.net) has joined #farreconforadults =-= Mode #farreconforadults +o Daedalize by ChanServ Soulless Jeb moaned over and over again, feeling the burn and the pain all over his body, flinching in protest only when he felt the cold of blade to his manhood. There he let go of his arm (which by now had a large chunk bitten out of it), spitting out his own flesh to say hoarsely their safe word, the only thing that he had to protect himself from his own decisions. Soulless "F..F..Fluttershy." Sequence (OH GOD WHAT WHY) Soulless To that Halim stopped, almost disappointed, the blade stroking with all the tenderness of a lover along the veins of the engorged cock before him. With longing in his eyes, he set down the scalpel and instead kissed the head in apology. =-= padri|works is now known as padri Sequence (oh god is it going to turn into like, normal gay sex now) Sequence (notsureifwant.png) Dawny (Were you sure if you wanted what already happened?) Sequence (I am sure that I did not want what already happened) Scantron (Not nearly as interested in just normal gay sex) Soulless Instead, he cut open a small rectangle between the base of the balls and the anus, nuzzling the exposed skin. Sequence (asdfkjlashfls hwhat) Sequence (that's the perineum) Sequence (there are muscles there that are very important) Soulless (Fine, between balls and perineum) Soulless (are you happy now, helping me write guro) Sequence (oh god I did didn't I ffffff) Dawny (*giggle*) Sequence (and anyway the perineum muscles are important I think for erections or orgasm, iirc) Soulless Halim then pulled away, admiring the twitching, whimpering artwork beneath him. His hands stroked the inner thighs and stomach, scratching at the exposed kneecaps and ribs, pressing his body down against his lover, feeling the slime and gore with his body than with his hands and rubbing his own manhood, dripping with the proof of his arousal, against Jeb's. Scantron (that's more like it) Soulless Jeb craned his neck to Halim's for a deep kiss, tongues rubbing against each other like two affectionate cats as they frotted against one another. They went on like this for minutes or hours, neither could tell. Jeb organs sloshed against Halim's stomach, wetting his shirt with blood. His thighs and the flesh beneath the base of his ballsack burned with the pain of having precome rubbed... Soulless ...into his wounds. <--| padri has left #farreconforadults Soulless It was Jeb who came first, letting out a loud moan as semen splashed onto himself, and into himself as some slipped into his own open torso. He was suddenly aware of his lightheadedness from the loss of blood, but his awareness was quickly slipping away with every heartbeat. By the time Halim achieved the same euphoria, he was barely aware of it. Within moments, the world hazed into black... Soulless ...and the burning pain faded from his body. It would be later that he would open his eyes again on the medical bed, with an anxious Halim at his side. The anxiety, he knew, was not from the surgery, but from something else. He could only smile reassuringly. Halim breathed a small sigh of relief. "So, when you're better..." Soulless (the end) Soulless Are you guys happy now Sequence (oh god that's right with cell gas Halim's fetishes could work OH GOD Sequence OH GOD WHY OH GOD WOH YOAHDFASDJ Dawny ohgodyes Dawny ILU Soul Scantron (IT WOULD) Scantron also Scantron claps Sequence OOH GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Dawny standing ovation
_________________ Ask Soulless a Question! I deceive everyone, I destroy everything And the place where light used to shine now remains Pulled away from my heart, here no longer Yet still I stay captive to my avarice chains
_________________ "And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." — Dr. Seuss
Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:41 pm
Lord_Belial
Reverse the Polarity of the Neutron Flow!
Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2011 7:49 pm Posts: 1178 Location: Computer chair
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Mood: Lonely
Status: Away
Re: Writing fragments.
Life is truly tragic, the world of the dip pen and ink well is my only salvation. Some know me as a measly comic book artist but I view myself as a magician. The ability to influence the emotions of Humans through symbolic representations of objects has existed longer than the spoken word; it's magic, truly. The chaotic realm of my thoughts can only truly be expressed through the realm of art. But alas, my thoughts are more often than not viewed as monstrous representations of insanity rather than that of marvelous works of art and wonder. If I may add, the madmen from which these words spew from is me; Arthur Q. Hubert. The following account of my personal life will lead you through the orchestra of insanity composed by your's truly.
Excerpt from my short story "Sanguine"
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Sun Apr 15, 2012 1:09 am
SoullessHuman
All Love is Pure in its Depravity; All Innocence is Sincere in its Deception
This is just a experimental work with a style I think I kinda enjoy. I think I'll start playing with words some more in this manner.
_________________ Ask Soulless a Question! I deceive everyone, I destroy everything And the place where light used to shine now remains Pulled away from my heart, here no longer Yet still I stay captive to my avarice chains
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. That is very flattering as a writer.
) anyway, in the underlined part, although i think i know where you're coming from with the "echo" i think it would be interesting if you expressed through a more... "sliding" or "progressing(?)" prose. Of course, just my opinion tough.
My sister recently gave me a pocket Moleskine... 
