I was just wondering what kind of connection there is between reclusiveness and being raised by horrible parents. I am sure there is but I'm just curious.

My parents were not pleasant people to say the least. My father was very cold, uncaring, and distant. My mother was mean and verbally/physically abusive.

Or, maybe your parents are great and there are other factors at work.

BTW, if you're not comfortable about posting a response, don't. Some people are touchy about this sort of thing and I understand.

I get on well with my parents, especially my Mum.

my Mum lets me off with so much to the extent where it's probably bad because it's made my laziness worse.

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Anyways. Concerning my parents I have no complaints. I'm just too self absorbed to pay them the attention they might like sometimes. I'm too impatient and feel like I don't have enough time for anything, let alone something that might prove awkward. It hardly ever is, but that's how I imagine it to be and that causes the inhibition without rationality.

I have a very good relationship with them. I fight with them and get pissed at them occasionally, but it's generally over retarded things. They were never abusive, were always responsible, kept me in line, and did everything good parents should do. They don't constantly nag at me about being the way I am, even though they do bring it up on occasion, but it's not like they're condescending about it.

They were never bad parents I don't think, I've just never felt very close to them.
I didn't even call my dad on his birthday this year.
sometimes I think if I was a better person I'd care more
but I'm not so
whatchagonnado

It's not the worst relationship. I can't help but blame them for raising me to be a sheltered and somewhat spoiled person..But at least they care a lot for me and try to help me. I'm in huge debt to them and I think one of the things I want to do before I die is make up for everything.

Scum, when your twelve years old and supporting a household on a part time salary when there is two able bodied adults that don't give two shits about working then theres a problem. On top of that the constant harrassment and for lack of a better word beatings were also a huge factor in my life back then, I still live with my dad though my mom did move away. Dad doesn't bother me anymore because I got bigger than him and I'm pulling in three times as much money so he has no jursidiction over my life unless he wants to kick me out but then he's screwed.

Long story short, abusive parents is equal to a people hating me.

Okay, I guess. I haven't talked to my father in awhile, and I don't interact with my mother much even though we live in the same house.

Good. I live with my mother, and we have become pretty good roommates. She pays most of the bills, but I give her as much as my income will allow every month and I also handle a good bit of the housework. We are similarly sarcastic and loner types. Dad is also a loner. He was a long distance truck driver when I was a kid so he'd be gone for long trips. But now that I am older, we have become close. We have similar taste in music and similar views on things. Mom was a bit too overprotective when I was younger, but that's cause she's a worrying person and no fault of her own. I'm sure it aided in me preferring to be alone, but I think I was just born this way.

Poor.

Pretty much everything my mom says to me annoys me. She's very condescending and everything she says/does is right and whatever you say/do is wrong. She's an evangelical Christian and this pretty much automatically prevents me from being able to connect with her in any way whatsoever because her religious views totally affect the way she feels about anything. Her robot-like ways bother me; I've seldom had a conversation with her that was on an emotional level. When we were kids she never talked to us when we were struggling with anything and never hugged us. With that being said I'll admit that she isn't always horrible and I don't think she always means harm, but damn - is she ever annoying. If you think I'm being harsh, you should realize that both of my siblings share the same views as me about her and we've all concluded that she's fine . . . in very, very small doses.

As for my dad: He's OK in very small doses. The odd thing about my dad is he's pretty much the exact opposite of my mom. He grew up in the ghetto and has this very ghetto-like mentality which I've difficulty being able to tolerate for very long. He's amoral and has derogatory comments to make about everything and everyone; this bothers me. He reminds me of how Joe Pesci acts in Martin Scorsese films. You have to be very tolerant for him to not offend you. You know, it's very odd how my mom and dad hooked up considering that my mom's family are the type of people who refuse to speak to people who have tattoos, earrings and cuss. He has multiple tattoos and cusses and my mom's family, being comprised mostly of Christians, seemed to find that horrible.

I may not be much of a people person, but some people can still appeal to me. My parents, on the other hand, don't appeal to me much at all. I think I could live with seeing them only once or twice a year.

Very true, my mother in law is a bible thumper herself and my father in law is a hardcore addictions kind of guy (heavy drinking, gambling, smoking etc) It does appear that opposites attract and although it's kind of fun hanging ouround my inlaws. More fun than being with my own family, mind you I can only handle about two or three hours at any given time with any given person at the most. needless to say though, I'm an aetheist and my mother in law hates my guts because of it. Rofl.

I couldn't really pick in the poll because my answer falls between these two: "OK, they don't help, but they don't hurt either." and" unpleasant, they make things worse for me."

Some surprising responses so far. It seems that we are a very diverse cast of people when it comes to upbringing.

Seeing the length of the other responses I thought I might add some more detail.

I suppose I'd probably get on better with my parents than many people, just because they're so nice,
but my that's partly due to my Mum who has different views on discipline/chores than my Dad, so because of that they don't shout at me or make me do chores.

It might be better if they'd made me work more, seeing as I'm a bit lazy and always procrastinating, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like that anyway.

I suppose I'd always be reclusive, but having nice parents kinda lends itself for me to stay at home, seeing as many people aren't as nice in the outside world.

My relationship with my mum is fairly good. We don't really interact that much thinking about it, even though she's the only person I feel like I can talk to without being inhibited. She doesn't often come to me to talk, if I ever want a conversation with her I have to go to her and be the one to start it. I'm not sure if that's because her perception of me is that I want to be left alone at all times, or if she's just busy with her own things.

My relationship with my dad is terrible. Which is mostly my fault. I just don't feel comfortable being around him or talking to him. So I don't. He often moans about the fact that I never talk to him. I do answer his questions it's not like I totally blank him, I just don't have active conversations with him. He's not a bad person, he puts up with a lot more shit than most people would. And I do sometimes want a better relationship with him, but it's difficult for me. The way I deal with him has become so ingrained in my mind now and I'm not somebody who likes to rock the boat or change things around. So I'm not sure if things will ever get better.

I feel like I don't have a relationship with them anymore now that I've moved so far away from them. I speak to my mother on Facebook occasionally but I never have much to contribute to the conversation.

My father phones me sometimes to lecture me - that's all he does, so I never willingly engage him in conversation. He doesn't treat me like a person, he treats me like a student - with him as the teacher. He's pretty narcissistic and thinks he knows everything.

It's awkward speaking to them online or down the phone. It just draws attention to the fact that we have zilch in common.

I've always gotten along better with my mother, even though we're nothing alike. I'm probably on the same wavelength as my dad most of the time, as much as I hate to admit it.

Since everyone else is giving detailed responses I figure I should too so here goes.

My father was a Vietnam vet and was an automobile production line worker for most of my childhood. He made very good money which we never saw a dime of. He spent almost all of his money on drugs, prostitutes, and his personal toys while we lived in poverty. He seemed like a stranger that would come and go as he pleased. My mother divorced him when I was 12. I would see him sometimes when I would visit my other relitives while I was in my late teens and always felt very uncomfortable arround him. I haven't seen him in about 10 years. The last I heard about a years ago was that he had a stroke and suffered brain damage. I didn't feel any emotional response when I heard that so I guess thats that.

My mother had a very traumatic childhood at the hands of her parents to say the least. I won't go into details but lets just say it was very bad. She ran away and was homeless for several years. She was a stay at home mom and always took out her anger and frustration on me. She belittled and beat me most of my childhood until I was too big for her comfort, then she was just cold and distant like my father. After I joined the army I communicated with her rarely and would only see her about once a year. I found out about 2 years ago that she moved out of state and I haven't heard from her since. I always felt guilty that I never tried to get closer to her knowing how fucked up her childhood was even though she treated me bad.

So there you go, nongboo's fucked up childhood. How I turned out to be a decent caring human being is beyond me.

My relationship with my parents is very changeable. When I'm not living under the same roof as them, it improves because I have more space, but when I am with them, things get strained quickly and easily.

My father especially has been the cause of much anguish in my life. There have been numerous times that he has reduced me into a sobbing wreck. He and I are very different people in most ways, however, there are particular things that we do agree on. That's why there are times where I can talk to him and times where there is much animosity between us.

He also tends to talk to me and treat me like a little girl, although this is not so much the case anymore. This may be due to the fact that he missed seeing me grow up because he was away at work a lot during that time. Nowadays, I wouldn't say that I'm treated as a kid - it's just he has a hard time seeing me as an adult.

My mum's better in that respect. My relationship with her isn't bad. She's not perfect and does get mad at me for no real reason sometimes, but that's because she's human.

Overall, I think that my relationship with my parents has improved greatly in recent times and I respect both of them despite our differences.

It's good.

My mother understands no emotions other than contentedness and rage over not being content. She cannot convey love, so she buys me shit. Though I've moved out, she still calls me most days, and the conversations have been going better. This is probably because she never has the opportunity to see me crying anymore.

My father has little to no ability to connect to other people after having been emotionally and physically scarred by the trials of warfare. His mind is in another place most of the time. He tells funny stories sometimes, but his family is a prop in his life, just like the furniture and appliances. We aren't really...there. And neither is he.

My relationship with my parents has been both good and bad.

Without saying too much, My dad can be kind of a dick, but I still love him.

Before my mother passed away, I was really close with her when she wasn't in the hospital.

My dad is an all around asshole. I don't think he's worth the effort to hate because his actions are always kind of spontaneous or somehow derived from my mother's manipulations.

I do my best to ignore him.

The "mother" on the other hand is literally the embodiment of everything I hate about people. She's a phony, self-righteous, manipulative, condescending, nagging, conniving bitch who makes it her duty to constantly remind me of how much of a failure I am (according to her views). Sometimes I allow myself to believe that I'm just being overly critical of her and she's actually not a bad person, but then something always happens to remind me of who she truly is and what all my experiences with her have taught me about her true self.

I can't wait till I'm able to move out and never have to deal with that woman again.

Oh and by the way I also do my best not to ask them for favors because when I do leave them for good I don't want to feel like I owe them anything.

Its ok? Kind of as a question. I've lived with my dad almost my whole life, though i see and talk to my mom every now and then. She made mistakes with drugs and lost all of our belongings at a time (baby books and home movies) , but I saw no point in holding a grudge since it would not change anything anyways or gain my things back if i didn't. Dad always seemed willing to help me. Sure i didn't like going to church every sunday and i got upset when he couldn't/cant understand my feelings over something, but he always tried to do what was best for me and both my parents probably love me.
And though they help me with paying for school and other good parent things, i don't think i have any feelings for them and i don't think i ever did. Call me cruel, but by playing the "good girl" to them, i feel that i will do something that will cause me to lose them and if that happens, i want to be sure that I can let go easier (which i probably can) Also, if they knew alot of the things i think about and do, they might stop caring about me or (even worse) try to change me.

Basically, I have conversations and jokes with my parents, but deep down, i keep an emotional distance for my own protection (it kind of goes the same for the rest of my family, Offline friends and acquaintances).

What does, "if they died tomorrow I would not care fall under". My father is a deadbeat womanizer. He lost interest in me when I did not care about sticking my dick in any vaginal I could find at age 13. Once I stopped making an effort to be a part of his life he disappeared from mine. He has not checked in on me since he left for Germany.

My mom raised me, however, she hates men.. So I say raised me in the most basic sense. She clothed me, fed me, and punished me. She used my poor grades as a way to justify why she spoiled my sisters. They always had a perfect GPA so they earned her special treatment. Plus they were girls. Despite my mom's loudly outspoken views on how females need to be independent. She never told my sisters to ride their bikes 9 miles to get to practice. She was always available to drive when other parents flaked out on the carpool. The only thing I am grateful for from her is the fact that she paid for school. Whenever she mentions how she fed and clothed me. I say "think of all the money and abortion would have saved you". That silences her quickly.