i haven't been on here since school started to be honest.
during the summer and the first few weeks i was fine, happy even.
now more recently just this month, ive been getting really depressed. im starting to realize, ive never had a boyfriend, i live with a crazy family who all have tendencies to argue incessively and a majorly verbally abusive sister. im losing my faith in God as well. i pray and i feel that He's there but i also feel hopeless with each prayer i make. why pray if nothing happens? my life is falling to pieces, its strange though. at school when im with my friends, im very laidback and fairly happy naturally, when im by myself however and left to face my own thoughts and emotions, i break down. if i lose my faith, i have nothing left.

has anyone else ever felt this way or am i truly crazy

I don't know if i am at all helpful but here's a little story:
A year ago my brother swallowed two packs of sleeping pills trying to kill himself. I was destroyed but didn't realize it until i broke down on the stairs of a friend an hour later. I never was so sad in my entire live. Even if i argue with my brother and sometimes i can be quite an asshole, i love him more than anything on this earth. I cried for one hour and i am still getting emotional when i think back.
He went in psychiatric treatment and is acutally doing pretty well. He does in fact do so well, that he got his first girlfriend 3 months later and it seems i'm becoming uncle as well.

If you have nothing left, then you might as well wait a few years and give god a little time to help you.

I have lived similarly for 11+ years now.

Going through adolescence is a extremely difficult time because your frontal lobe essentially shuts down. Even when you exert yourself to look at things dispassionately and think in more logical/practical terms, you will be unable to trust what you see because of your emotions.

The best thing would be to take the same faith you have in god and place just as much into "correct action". The more faith you can place into doing the correct things, the better things will get and you will increase the likely-hood of stabilizing the mood swings everyone goes through during this time much sooner.

I on the other hand went to great lengths to drive my life as deep into the ground as possible. I now have to accept the fact that no matter how hard I work for the rest of my life, I may never be able to support myself financially, find a partner, have a family, form strong-supportive social bonds or in other words, reach self-actualization. For me, having to accept this outcome was my key to freedom. But, I could just as easily killed myself from the tremendous pressure this path I ignorantly chose put on me. All I'm saying is look to the opportunities you have around yourself and take them while they are there to build your sense of inner value. You are so valuable to so many people's lives. Trust me when I say this, we are all valuable, but the price that we must pay for this inner value is that we can never know how valuable we are.

I payed a lot for that knowledge. I wish I had done what I want for you and all people to do and just live your life believing in it, reaping all the benefits it brings, instead of doubting yourself and what those who have learned the hard way tell us to be true.

Love yourself, Trust yourself, and Care for yourself first before all others and you will shine in a world a darkness like a star in the night sky.

I am going through something similar hun... at this exact moment. I was happy for the past few weeks... however, events made me depressed again.

All i can say is you have to stick it out until you can escape from your home. Your home seems to be one of the main causes of your depression. If you can find the strength to survive there until you can get out things will look up... sorry right now that is all the advice I can offer.

i think most people, if not everyone, have felt how you feel at some point by the end of their lives. Just bear in mind that most people get through the tough times so you can too. I never was religious, but I did find myself speaking to some concept of God during the hardest of times. Maybe just venting to 'God' or asking for help helped me rather than an actual God intervening, but that's besides the point. I do also know how much harder it becomes every time you get knocked back to put your faith in something. My ethos is to just ride it out. Although I found a counsellor last week, I was feeling better before I even had my first appointment.

Bassista, I felt like that. Every bit of it. Being normal when around company, the suddenly breaking down when I'm alone. Praying to a God I can't even put faith in. Drowning in my thoughts and feeling like nothing's going to get better. Hating myself for being so weak when left alone.

My family also used to argue so much. It was a very stressful environment. I felt helpless to stop the fighting. I felt useless. I felt things would be a lot better if I were gone.

I've also felt unloved. Like, why won't anyone love me as much as I love them. Feeling alone and in need of someone who'll understand and love me the way I am. It's a shitty feeling and a shitty realization.

Dark times are coming ahead. Winter has arrived and the days are a lot shorter. It's going to be tough. Just try to live day by day and stop yourself from dwelling on the future. Your path is ever changing. The best you can do is live in the moment. Relish the laid back feeling you have when you're with friends. Relish the moments when you're alone and enjoy your youth and the endless possibilities you have to be what you want.

God's still there. Trust me. Believe in happiness and a door will open for you to be what you believe.

I know it's easier said than done. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just remember to take it day by day. Take this time to understand your feelings, understand your body and understand where you stand in this world. Don't let judgement cloud over your observations. Really look at everything for what it is. Take this time to discover and build a belief and faith of your own.

Take care Bassista. We're here for you if you need.