...that (hopefully) isn't true at all. I'll begin:

I sleep on top of slices of deli ham, which I spread out across my mattress — at least two layers thick — before going to bed.

I murdered a rhinoceros when I was seven because I saw him eye-ing me with suspicion while I was at the zoo. Luckily, because I was seven & there were no witnesses to the incident, no files were charged.

I've raped a man with a chair. And he liked it.

I keep a paintball gun in my car, and every time I see someone out in their yard while driving through a neighborhood, I slow down and check their address; if it's an odd number, I stage a drive-by paintball hit on them.

I hunt buffalo while hang gliding.

I once rode my bicycle up a tree.

I have no personal problems and I fit easily into society. I'm also not a recluse.........

My favorite activities include drinking whiskey from my toothless neighbors' still until I vomit, snorting crack until my nose starts hemorrhaging, & having orgies with said toothless neighbors until one of them becomes unconscious during the process.

At daytime I'm really a rockstar and at night I go from house to house to sell insurances. I only sleep while riding my bicicle on the way back from a gig.

I sleep with 5 dakimakuras and 20 boobpillows.

Yeah, I'm just that awesome.

I'm a door-to-door walnut salesman.

i live inside a Faberge egg on a bed of diamonds.

I am not a person. I am a new startup's latest project julian the bot. They need funding.

i am a hamster.

I'm flipflop woman and my mission is to bring peace and justice by beating the shit out of criminals with glittering flowerly pink flipflops! I'm a superheroine!

I absolutely despise science fiction. Or fiction of any kind, for that matter. Especially the older stuff, like "The X-Files". Who the h3ll came up with the idea for that show?!?! & what about "Stargate SG-1" or "Battlestar Galactica"?! What crap!!!!

Blasphemy! I was getting annoyed reading that until I remembered it's a nonsencxe thread. I'm so drunk

LOL just look at my signature, & you can see that it really is a bizarre claim lol. It's the absolute opposite of the truth when it comes to me. Those are three of my favorite shows of all times & I LOVE science fiction lol

I have been on the Iron Chef before and I won.

I am in fact, Max Brooks and am spending my profits from my books on funding a team of scientists to invent a real zombie virus.

I'm the guy in amusement park haunted houses that grabs your shoulder. All I want is a handshake.

I'm a ghost, haunting you all.

But you haven't been gone for a year yet

Oh! I am a giddy goat!

i own over 500 differnt beanies......for my domepeice