This topic might be triggering to others, so, I just want to give that out as a fair warning.

I did mention in my introduction that I've been a self-harmer for seven years now. I'm wondering if anyone self-harms, the reason they self-harm, what's their, I guess...way of self-harming. This sounds completely creepy of me, but, I'm usually really curious about this sort of stuff.

My forms of self-harming are usually cutting, bruising and burning. I usually cut on my arms, it's easy access, and where the most blood can come out. I'm the type of person that wants to cut wide enough to leave scars, and might even get to the point of where I need stitches. Other places that I've burned/cut have been my stomach, shoulders, thighs and chest. Because of this habit, I'm left with scars that are visible. I am unable to wear a bikini top, or shorts without showing off the scarring. I live in Florida, where wearing long-sleeves are completely out of the story. Therefore, my scarring on my arms are exposed. Going out is always stressful, especially since I receive very odd looks (which adds to the reason of why I do not like to go out, and when I do, it's usually at night, where I can wear a hoodie). Getting intimate with something is nearly out of the question, especially since one can question...or not question and decide to treat me differently.

The reason? For a sense of control...or lack of. It's odd to explain, but I like the feeling of hurting myself, and then depending on myself to take care of it...almost like...an imaginary nurse. I don't know, it sounds weird, I guess. I like that lingering pain that I feel when I press my fingertips against it, I guess, as a reminder that I'm miraculously still in this world even though I feel numb. It's nearly a distorted comfort. I feel weightless after it. Yet, I crash back down into reality, and realize the consequences of my actions.

Another reason that would contribute to my reclusive behavior and the reason why I don't go outside - So I can cut as much as I want to, and not have to worry about people seeing them. Yet, of course, that's impossible, seeing that I live with my mother at the moment.

Hi Jelly, I don't self harm as frequently as some, maybe a few times every few months, but when I do I really go at it and cover my whole arm. I did it earlier actually. It's been hot where I am lately so I know I look like a weirdo wearing a jacket but I don't have a choice, need to cover my arm up. I know I wont get close to someone so I don't have to worry about them seeing it but yeah it sucks to have to cover up in summer! I think my reason has something to do with my feeling numb at times, self punishment or even when feeling a little manic and not knowing any other way to vent. I think blood looks beautiful too so I like to see it coming out of me.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I use it as a form of self-punishment too, even if it's little things. Yeah, it's literally 98 degrees average in the summers where I live, so, it's complete torture to wear jackets and what not. I agree. There's something beautiful about the stuff that keeps you living and that flows through you, and seeing it escape your body.

The mouth is a really interesting place to self-harm. I once knew a girl that would cut her mouth so that she wouldn't eat. If I did not get annoying, stingy sores every time I cut my mouth on something, I would try it.
That's horrible that a classmate made you do that in front of him. A lot of the time when someone finds out about my scars, they want to see all of my scars. It's a violation of privacy, but, a lot of people don't know that since they are clouded with curiosity. I think blood is really beautiful too, I like it watch it go down the drain and stuff. (Sounds scary!)
Are you anemic, or, are you naturally really pale?

I was addicted to it for about two years and managed to stop early last year. However, I've recently started doing it again. It's not a big deal to me though, I don't do it half as much as I used to.

I cut my legs since there's a much less chance of anyone seeing the scars there than anywhere else. I don't wear skirts or shorts, you see.

I remember when my mother caught me last year, she went into near hysterics. She threatened to put me in a mental home, the only thing I was able to do was convince her it was just a one-off. That calmed her down a little and it's never been talked about since.

The only reason I do it is because it releases endorphins in the brain that calm me down and gives me a temporary relief. As I said, it's not a big deal. It's not deep or meaningful to me.

When my father found out he hit the roof too. He was scared that I would spiral out of control and end up in a mental institution. He said, That's what my patients do, you know? Is that what you want to be? He was less worried about why, and more taken with the consequences of being found out. It was a real pain wearing long sleeves all the time though. I wish I'd cut my legs too. Just before I stopped I moved from my forearms to my shoulders at least.

I probably shouldn't post in this thread because it's been so long since I did it. I don't see the need for it now, either. But, I find it interesting that apple said his mother does it too (Unless I'm mistaken).

Cuts on your wrists/arms are just far too easy to spot. From what I've gathered talking to other people, legs are the most common area to cut second to wrists/arms.

I think I've mentioned this before but my mother takes things pretty hard. She's not exactly emotionally stable herself. It's most likely her that I get all my problems from. She's suffered from depression, anxiety and tried to commit suicide a few times when she was around my age. I think she's worried the same thing will happen to me, so I don't say anything because I don't like to worry her. She has a tendency to blame herself.

I used to cut myself up pretty badly many years ago and I still have scars all over both my arms. Even on the parts of my arm that are completely tattooed over you can still clearly see the scars. It has been a while since I've self harmed though, although I do still get the urge now and then when I'm feeling super stressed out. It was always a way to bring me back down from whatever crazy state of mind I was in and feel more calm... at least for a few moments... and I enjoyed the pain, which may be why I enjoy getting tattooed. With tattoos I get to feel the relaxing pain minus the criticism/guilt that came with cutting.

Back when I used to be really bad the girl I was dating at the time told my parents about it because she was worried about me... which lead to going to doctors and therapists. One therapist I went to actually gave me tips on how to hide my cutting from other people which blew me away... I stopped seeing him pretty quickly.

One day I was in the hospital for something unrelated to the cutting and had to take off my shirt while they were doing some tests, so the doctor noticed all the fresh scars on my arms and started to question me about it. I freaked out and said a friend's cat scratched me up... I have no idea if he believed me or not but he stopped asking after that. There was a male nurse who came in afterward and when I tried to make excuses to him about the scars he told me he knew what they were really from and ended up telling me about how he used to cut himself and still had scars as well and how he got help and knew what I was going through. I was pretty surprised by the conversation but it made me feel better in a way... as I was leaving the hospital later he slipped me a piece of paper with his email address and a note that said I could email him any time if I needed someone to talk to who knew how I was feeling. I ended up exchanging emails with the guy a couple times and I think he definitely helped inspire me get over some of my hurdles in trying to get better.


I have to admit that when reading this thread and typing all this up I've started to feel a bit dizzy and uneasy, and started shaking a bit. Any time I really think or read about any of this I end up feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate or start crying... I don't know why.


I can't believe I just typed this all up.... I think this is the first time I've ever really opened up and talked about any of this. I'm not sure if all of what I just said makes sense but I don't want to re-read it at this point to check.

Yeah, having to go to school with a giant plaster over my wrist was really embarrassing. After P.E. one of the girls commented about it. -.-
I was like you, however. There was no great meaning behind it. I'd simply read about it and became curious, so started doing it. Then it became habit.

@Dredg
That was cool that there was someone compassionate enough to help you out like that.

Your post did make sense if you're wondering, it was very clearly explained, so no need to worry about that.
I've felt uneasy aswell when trying to write up a post that maybe quite personal too. Most of the time I write it up, preview it and then delete it.

@ Dredg
Exactly my circumstances, for some reason its more socially acceptable to be covered in tattoos than self harm scars.

I understand what you guys mean. My mother went completely crazy and just started to scream at me, telling me that I will never understand since I don't have a daughter (I don't see how that make sense) and how it's affecting everyone else. It's always about affecting other people when it comes to my mother, never about myself and my issues.

Dredg - Thanks a lot for posting in this thread, I know it took a lot to make you do so. (: That was really kind of the male nurse to be understanding and give you his contact information. That's why I'm always scared to go get check-ups, and I always wonder what they would do to me if I ended up in the hospital for cutting myself too deeply. I always hear horror stories about how they treat self-harm patients horribly.

apple - Yeah, I've heard stories about Japanese bullies...I can definitely see that they are much more sadistic.

I cut once back in March as a suicide attempt (arms and thighs). Haven't done any cutting since. It did give me a nice endorphin rush, but I was also heavily drugged so that could've been it.

I'm more of a pill popper. I've overdosed to the point where I consider taking eight pills of advil all at once nothing. My liver and kidney are pretty screwed and it shows with my body so I've restrained myself to just the correct dosages for my medication.

Mine's more of a mental self harm. I mentally attack myself. It's a mixture of a habit and addiction. Not as severe anymore. I'm surprisingly getting better. And not just high on life better. I feel normal. More so than before.

btw have you thought about what i said about the fat burners althe

I've cut my legs before but I found that cutting my arm gave me a somewhat different sensation, one that was more satisfying. I met a girl once who had been in hospital for SH, she told me about a person she met there who cut themselves and put nails in the cuts, leaving them to fester. That made me feel a bit nauseous. I would definitely consider getting tattoos to try and cover up, I also like the feeling of getting tattoo'd. When I was younger about 16 or so I cut for the first time but it was really for attention, although my reasons are different now, at the time I didn't hide it and wanted my mum to see it thinking she would give me some kind of emotional support, which I genuinely needed, but she was just like.... Whatever! Couldn't have cared less.

I love cutting and overdosing. I do it for the sense of control I guess. After a cutting session or a drug binge I become super apathetic toward other stressors in my life. The relief is only temporary though, yeah, I'm addicted.

I self-injure to get through the day.

When I wake up I feel so numb and lifeless I can barely move. But I have to get up--otherwise people will come into my room and yell at me, things will get messed up, everything will spiral further and further down the plughole...so I manage to scootch over to grab the blade from behind my bed and go at my arms until the numbness goes away and I can get up. When I come home, I do the same thing to calm down from the stress of being out in the world, constantly being judged and put down...cutting makes me feel like I have control, I suppose.

I stop cutting so bad in the summer, when I barely have to leave the house and can have more say over when and what I do. I took up smoking recently, also, because it feels like a sort of residual self-harm...one that I don't get shunned as much from, one that kills you slowly but isn't illegal so I wouldn't ever get in trouble with the authorities and make life even harder.

So...yeah. I used to cut on my legs a lot, but that got blood everywhere, so now I just go at it on my arms. Takes less strain in the morning too. I live somewhere cold, so wearing sweaters all the time is totes possible. No one really knows about it, save my therapists and a few old friends who are mostly gone now. I try not to advertise it so much. It's not something I'm doing for attention, it's something I'm doing just because people expect me to go on living a "normal" life when I'm not in good enough mental shape to do so. This has been going on five years now...when will it ever end?

only time i slef harmed me was when i was trying to comit suicide.

left me with a big ugly scar on my wrist, i always wear long sleved shirts now to hide it.

Well, self injury has been a problem for me for some years, although I haven't injured since last March which is positive.

It all started when I was 14, read a magazine article about self-injurers and when I was feeling particularly bad I got dumb enough to try it. Maybe there had just been some "need" for it always, I just hadn't known how to act it out before reading that article. From that point on, I injured up until in I was almost 18, after which it became impossible due to some circumstances (hospitalisation etc.). It was very difficult to cope without hurting oneself but somehow I learned to, because I had to.

However when I was 23 I started it again and all that improvement was lost. But during this another phase of a couple of years, I have tried fighting it, and it has somewhat worked even though the urge is there almost every day (today it was particularly bad).

In general I have cut on my shoulders or chest or legs because in summer I'd like to wear t-shirts even outside my own home. I usually cut with an utility knife, although almost everything sharp will do, I have also used cigarettes for burning.

I hope I will not give into the temptation in the future, no matter how bad I'd feel.

only once when i wuz super crazy and sad over my Xgirlfreind....i jumped in front of a car and broke my fingers and fractured my leg...i wuz so stupid........

I cut myself last year on my left wrist, I like looking at the scar. Whenever i catch a glimpse of it I start staring at it for no apparent reason. I like the feel of it when my fingers touch it, it doesn't really bring back memories but tends to throw everything out. I just look at it and everything that my mind was on fades away for a little while. When memories do come back it makes me think of the first sentence I heard, "That was my good knife god dammit!".

, I was looking for a way to escape school and I got a transformers band aid.

My newest therapist found out about my self harm today. I was really glad she didn't scold me or plead with me to stop. She just asked why it happened. And she seemed to understand.

After all, it doesn't really matter if I self-injure, does it? It doesn't hurt anyone. It keeps other people in my life happy, because after I'm done with it, usually I can shower and get up and get to doing what they want.

She asked about the scars. If they bothered me. They really don't. It's not like anyone will ever really see them. And if someone does, and they decide I'm not worth knowing anymore, well, that's that. You can't trust a person not to leave you anyway until they know the whole truth about you. Until then, it's silly to think they'll stay anyway.

One of the things that annoys me the most about being fat is that there's so few places on my body where I can cut against bone. When you cut against a cushion of fat, everything goes ragged and it barely bleeds at all. When you cut where there's almost nothing between skin and bone the skin splits so nicely, it leaves a wonderful scar that fades slow from purple to white. The other cuts end up all purple and lumpy and when they fade past that they just disappear, which is so disappointing. They're there because I don't want to forget. I want to remember time is passing. Without them, it feels like everything's just been standing still.

I feel like my scars and wounds are the only part of me that are beautiful at all.

I hate it that I've grown a bad habit in the last months...
Sometimes when I'm really desperate or thinking about my future what I really hate - I will always use my fists quickly. Most on my upper body or on my arms but sometimes I hit myself in the face. It'll make me forget everything for a while but still... I hate it. It's like a reflex, once I get such desperate thoughts, I try to hit myself afap.

I don't like it... *sigh*