For me, self-harm comes in the form of mental injury.
This is the way I beat the shit out of myself, without people seeing any physical scars.
When I start hurting myself, others in my path end up getting hurt, too. Something I am not proud of doing.
This is why I don't let people get too close; I fear they do not understand the mental torment I deal with day by day.
After having a near death experience when I was 9 (fell backwards off a tall swing at a park) and my parent's divorce when I was 10...the idea of dying doesn't frighten me.
The only thing keeping me alive...is that there are others like me out there, who I do not want to have to suffer alone...
I would never wish this pain upon anyone.

Jelly, your story is so relatable. I think you described your feelings and situation quite effectively -- well-worded but not extraneous.

I, like SC, and maybe others in this thread (I don't know, I've only read the first and last posts so far) self-harm mentally.

I don't like hurting others either so I try to act normal and hide my symptoms as much as possible, i.e., pretending to be happy and, like, agreeable with, or being ridiculously considerate of, their point of view. Even though I want to fuckin scream or aggressively express my point of view, I don't usually. Sometimes it happens though. And when it does my parents, for instance, are completely dismissive, or defensive/argumentative (refuse to see my pov or how I'm feeling) , or look at me demeaningly and/or call me crazy and berate me (telling me I need help). That's one of the two main scenarios in my life. These feelings that follow many times has felt so much worse than scenario two: holding in my anger or true feelings because at least those can subside, aren't so horribly hurtful and scarring, and can be mainly (or temporarily) forgotten. But I also realize that if I don't talk about or share my feelings (my younger sister is the only one I have who listens, is nonjudgemental, understanding and consistently cares), no matter their origin, they will fester and cause depression, self-loathing and numbness, which lead me to self-harm.
Mainly, it's mental... I deprive myself of things, i.e., food, pride, happiness, etc., and/or I become more obssessive-compulsive about things. When I physically harm myself, it's nothing severe and isn't as prevalent. The most severe was around Mother's Day 2008 when I swiftly cut my left arm three times with a pair of large scissors -- and in my pitch dark room, no less. I don't think I have to tell you how that felt, Jelly (and others) -- it was just like how you described. But anything that severe was it for me. Why? Because it's just all that I needed to remind me that I have control (the scars are noticeable, the one less than the other two) -- and that there are better means to render that control. I also get off on the fact that it's my secret. I've never told anybody. My fam doesn't even know for sure that I did that and never will. Another major influence on me not wanting to severely physically harm myself is undoubtedly my older sister... she was a cutter (might still be...). But it's not that -- it's that she's a fuckin crazy-ass bitch of an older sister who is just an utterly horrible, repulsive human being. It's the overwhelming realization that I don't want to be remotely like her at all (never have)!
The minor, non-scarring ways I physically self harm -- early this year (April) I rubbed a balled foil candy wrapper aggressively into my arm, leaving an abrasion lasting 3-7 days; otherwise scratching and digging my fingernails into either arm or somewhere on my torso or head; briefly cutting of circulation in my neck or wrists, or putting pressure on or hitting my head; pulling a hangnail so it bleeds then sometimes reinforcing pain by pressing my fingernail into it; allowing myself to get hurt on something and then, if it's more of a lasting injury, reinforcing pain...things that don't leave lasting damage or are too out of the ordinary. Once in awhile, I ingest alcohol which I do for the same reasons. Also, I don't self-harm to an aggressive or very noticeable degree when I'm in public or the company of others.

Only rarely do my parents truly help me to feel better (my father is a slightly better, sometimes more caring listener than my mother. He's often more relatable than her.). They aren't necessarily horrible (generally, they're good people) -- they just have their own problems (that they ignore).
So, besides relying on my kind younger sister for mutual emotional support, good conversations and encouragement, the better ways in which I cope have me turning to my ability to push things out of my head (emotionally) and being cognizant and deeply appreciative of all the good in my life and the world. But although I can trick myself into feeling happy and/or content -- and sometimes I really am -- many (read: most) days I have a feeling of lethargy, disappointment, indifference or disconnect, and sometimes depression, or a combination of those, to some degree.

Also relevant to the thread topic -- I don't find discussing self-harm to be triggering. I don't plan to self-harm. I just know I do it sometimes. Talking about it makes no difference either way (it is what it is to me).

I thought all the razors were gone. Then I found one lurking in the rubble beneath my bed...

Fuck. I can't make myself get rid of it.

You can do it!

The sad thing is that if things went real bad, I'd probably just go buy more. Fuck yeah, supermarket self-checkout.

I'm not realy sure if i'm ready to talk about this, but here goes.

I used to cut myself all the time, mostly on my upper legs and upper arms, ocasionaly on my stomach or chest. Only places that wern't vissible. I more or less stopped about a year ago, not long after my panic attacks got realy bad to the extent that i had to go get some drugs for it from the doctors. I couldn't even leave the house on my own, i haven't been like that for years, i had to have my dad go with me.

My boyfriend realy freaked out when he first noticed the scars. He thought i was suicidal or something. We were kinda in the middle of something as well when he noticed, It wasn't our first time either, i had asumed that he already noticed and tactfully didn't mention it. I realy wasn't expeting that and started panicing, i couldn't speak and just started shaking and cryed my eyes out. He was realy apolajetic afterward but i dont think he realy understood. No one else knows.

I've only cut myself a couple of times since. But it's getting harder to resist now that im living on my own.

I do a bit of mental and physical self harm. I rarely ever talk about how I'm feeling so the emotions usually build up and since I haven't developed a good way to deal with these emotions I usually resort to burning myself. I had managed to stop the physical self harm for a while but recently the stress has really been adding up.

I have all left arm in scars. for me it's relief, when I'm nervous, and I feel stress. and I have other form of selfharming - when I meet people who are doing the same thing, then we drink, smoke weed and cutting ourselfs for fun. I like both of forms of it, but nobody accept it.

does eating pills by the hand full count?....idk what there were i just did out of anger....

Yeah.

I used to self harm. It just gave a feeling of calm. Not sure why or how; if it was the endorphins or the need to punish myself or both and other stuff, but it started off as an impulsive thing and then became more deliberate.

Whenever a bad thought or negative feelings crept up on me, I'd quickly do it to snap myself out of it. The impulse is still there, but it's no where near as strong anymore. I think it's because I've become better able to deal with my emotions. I've just been feeling the ol' depression and insecurity lately, which is why it's been returning.

I don't have many noticeable scars. Just some small ones where people can't see. Mostly it was bruises.

I think it's true. when I was depressed burning my skin with hot poker (google translate told me, u know, this long metal thing to move ashes and burning wood in fireplace) I was getting to feel better. pain comes, endorfines realeses to calm pain, and voila.

I find that when I'm angry/upset enough to get the urge to self harm, it doesn't hurt that much when I do it; there's mostly this feeling, like a wave of relief. If I try to do it when I'm not in that state, it hurts more and doesn't seem so appealing.

I cut. I haven't in quite some time though...
I also have an eating disorder...

My eating disorder has very little to do with my dislike of my physical appearance and low self esteem though. It's mostly about control, feeling like I don't have any over my life and wanting some. Just as cutting is not me being suicidal, it's me relieving stress in a very negative way...

I'm not proud of these things...either.

i never got into cutting; i was on drugs. i've known a few people with scars up and down their arms from an early age, so it's not so shocking to me. and it's probably not such a bad addiction. hell, i smoke cigarettes and that's probably much worse for you in the long run. there is some danger in being in an emotional state and having a blade in you hand, i suppose, but it doesn't sound like the people posting here are outright suicidal. it is an addiction, though, and even though i've got several of them myself, i don't like them. i certainly wouldn't recommend them to my friends... they tend to interfere with my life and any tenuous connections i might have with the people around me. maybe even visiting this forum every day is an addiction, but it's a lot better than what i was doing this time last year. so if cutting is on your list of vices, there are worse things, but there are better things too.

bad habit
I think I should start to fight it beacuse I lost control on it.
cigarettes, drugs are harming too, but they don't leave scars and it's easier to society accept it, or hide it. people will see scars - all extremly hot summer I spent with long sleeves at house with parents.

Got into cutting because it felt good and hurt simultaneously.
And if you use and then and sharp enough blade and do light cuts the scars are not so bad.
Did it on my forearms but since the people that know me know I like martial arts and daggers, iIf someone happened to see it i just explained it as a training accident. Which was rare because I dressed skater style in long sleeves all year.

and there was the bulimia when I first started gaining weight.
binge eating and then forced regurgitation.

When I was about eleven or twelve I used to lock myself in the bathroom, cry a lot and then cut my arms with a razor blade and pick off old scabs until my arms were covered in blood. At the time I didn't know people did such things and it confused the hell out of me. I think I did it because the physical pain was easier to deal with.
I still do it sometimes.

Familiar topic, only terrible memories. Many such cases were. Remember that time very furious, I pounded my fists up to the building wall bruising, arm ache after. Sometimes I can beat all sorts of stuff, in those instances when its truth over my life tell what my problem is psychological pressure on me. Lament only solution for me anger. Yet there were cases of physical abuse, for various reasons are not always serious, for me it has always reflected the mood, depression strong. I've used, do not think that anything will change until the tear relations with all. I myself want to be by myself. Fortunately physically on me no torments now, those times were in school. The psychological pressure of a stranger I, one of the biggest problems now. I myself sometimes I can emotionally cripple from stress. I hate myself for my weakness. SilentComplexity I agree with you completely, but when I clinical death has never been, psychosis suffered very strong. There have been cases of steam. I am not afraid of death.

SilentComplexity
I understand you completely, though I for clinical death has never been, I suffer psychosis strong. It was steam cases. I am not afraid of death, honestly in my heart I want to die.
The only thing keeping me alive ... is that there are others like me out there, who I do not want to have to suffer alone ...
I would never wish this pain upon anyone. For this, I too live. Only my goals a little differently.