"Do you work here?" See the Stating the Obvious thread.
"Are you open?" I've never gotten this one personally but I hear a lot of jokes about it.
"Do you have more of these in the back?" Seriously, just the words In The Back make me want to punch somebody.
"Which of these are good?" Like I've opened them all and sampled them.
"Where's _____? And where's _____ And what about _____?" Cause I'm too fucking lazy to read the signs.

had a bad day et work eh??

I work in an icecream shop/cafe and have to deal with some right arseholes (mainly the rich tourists)

I hate it when people ask me which icecream is good, since I highly doubt my taste would be the same as theirs! (As for having tasted them all, I usually taste test them all when nobody is around, its hard to resist when it's ice cream )

I also hate the little 14 year old guys that come in and try to chat us all up and ask for our numbers, seriously, piss off! not interested! It's just embarrassing, not flattering.

Impatient customers are another hate of my job. Especially when the cafe is full and it's super busy and it is clear that they are not first in line and that everyone has been waiting just as long as them!!

We also had this one girl who called us over to complain that she wanted mayonnaise in her sandwich. Well she could have asked for it when she was ordering! If the menu does'nt say mayonnaise then there would be none in there, we have to state if a dish contains mayonnaise because it has egg in it which alot of people are allergic to. Same if the dish had nuts or shellfish in it. Anyway, as the chef was getting some I heard her laughing about it saying how did we expect her to eat if there was no mayonnaise, and saying stuff about us like 'go make me a coffee waitress' and 'I'm waiting for my mayonnaise' and basically slagging us off. grr I was so angry! bet she would never say that to our face! She was a real bitch, I was so tempted to throw the mayonnaise at her when I took it over. Anyway, as it turned out the chef had given her lemon mayo (which tastes better in my opinion) so she complained again until she got her regular mayonnaise.

Thats all for now. I have plenty more though! Just have to think of them.

Great thread! I'll probably come back and post more later, but here's a start.

In a bookstore:
"Do you sell nursery water for my baby? I need nursery water for my baby! No! Not bottled water! I need nursery water. It's 9pm - why aren't there more stores open? Where's the Walmart in this town?" - in a small town beside a national park; corporations like Walmart are not allowed near there
"Can I bring my bird in here if I promise he won't leave my shoulder?"
"My I leave my bike by the register? My cats are in that cage on the back of it."
Because I offered to put her bag in a cubby behind the register while she browsed: "That is not only theft, but a violation of privacy. You, sir, are a disgrace to the reputation of Berkeley!!"

While delivering pizza:
"Hey, look, kids! It's the pizza man! Look! The pizza man!" - while I was wearing girly clothing that did not hide my female figure
"Tell the chef that there is a pregnant woman who is about to faint in a bloody horror because her pizza did not get here soon enough!" - crazy French lady at a bed and breakfast between 2 convenience stores
"Oh, you use a Volvo to deliver pizzas. Obviously, you don't need a tip."

I love that. God, crazy French women are my favorite.

Anyways, I get asked if I work at Target almost every time I go there. They wear uniforms, and I don't wear anything that's remotely close to them, yet people continually ask me. That's all I have to add. As I'm a sleazebag who doesn't work yet.

Only every day I go.


Wow, I thought working in a book store would be pretty cool.

"What's a good place to eat around here?" I don't eat at sit-down restaurants much, dumbass.

From an old lady, "My salvia died!". I go look at it and she planted it right next to a fire pit (which looked recently used) and clearly fried the poor plant. That's really the only stupid thing i've had a customer say, luckily i don't have to deal with them often.

She's probably just smoking it anyway.

When I worked in a public library, it used to annoy me when parents would yell at their kids to be quiet because: 1. They were louder than their children were. 2. The idea that you have to be completely silent in a public library is a myth; people are free to talk and make noise as long as it doesn't rise to a level that would be bothersome to other people.

Hearing, "Shhhh!!! We're in a library!!!" over and over was bad too, in light of the above.

Also, sometimes male customers would try to hit on me by saying sleazily, "So, you must work in a library because you like to tell people to SHUSH, right?" or "So, you work here because you like books?" or, worse, "Did you know that libraries are going to be gone in a few years because of the Internet?" (That last one was especially annoying because it forced me into a lengthy explanation of the difference between traditional libraries and the Internet, as well as the existence of digital libraries . . . ).

It also used to annoy me when people would ask how one becomes a librarian, and I'd say, "First, you need to get a masters degree to in library science," and they'd actually try to argue with that, or say something like, "Oh. I thought everyone here was a housewife with just a GED or high school diploma. I mean, that's what it looks like from the perspective of someone who went to college!"

Lol, Ivory. That's devilish!
I have to admit I didn't really understand those pick up lines.

Yeah . . . they didn't make much sense to me either. And what's funny about me explaining that you need a masters degree in library science in order to be a librarian? It's true.

You can't smoke the type that's used in plantings. Well you could but it wouldn't do anything.

Well, it's not exactly a customer and it wasn't stupid but it was frustrating, but when I was volunteering as a counselor at a Japanese immersion camp I had a conversation like this. This conversation was in Japanese, so I was pretty nervous and was having a hard time trying to figure out what to say. I think I handled it pretty well, though. I don't have as much of an anxiety issue, I just don't like things like this.:

Concerned Mother: Hi, are you a camper or a counselor? (Note that the campers must be 12 or under, I was 14 at the time, and much different looking than the children since most of them were only about 5.)
Norikon: I am a counselor.
Concerned Mother: Will my son have to bring his own tent to the sleepover tomorrow night?
Norikon: ...No, we have tents that each group sleeps in. He will be sleeping with my group. I don't think we would like 50 tents all around..
Concerned Mother: Will he have to bring his own firewood?
Norikon: ...No, we will gather wood from around the campsite. There is plenty out there.
Concerned Mother: Is he allowed to bring his bed? It is a bed that folds up and rolls.
Norikon: ...No, he won't be able to use that..
Concerned Mother: Will he need a futon? (I put a link to a picture of it, because it's not a folding couch, it's a kind of bed that a lot of Japanese people use, and it folds. Like a mattress that folds. But it's really comfortable, and good for your back.)
Norikon: ...No, you know that he has to carry his stuff to the camp grounds, right? It is a hike up there.. It said so on the sheet that you signed...
Concerned Mother: WHAT? He has to CARRY IT ALL? HOW WILL HE CARRY HIS WHOLE BED?
Norikon: ...No, he should maybe bring a sleeping bag...
Concerned Mother: Are all the other children bring sleeping bags, or sleeping in a cabin?
Norikon: ...No, they are sleeping in sleeping bags in a tent.
Concerned Mother: So he DOES have to bring a tent.
Norikon: ...No, they are sleeping IN tents which Akane-san will be bringing. The camp owns their own tents.
Concerned Mother: Will there be food provided, or do I have to come up here and bring him some food for dinner and tomorrow morning?
Norikon: ...No, we provide food.
Concerned Mother: How much does it cost? Is it expensive?
Norikon: ...No, the cost was all in the first payment you made to the camp. That first payment is all you pay.
Concerned Mother: So, when do I pick my son up? Tomorrow morning?
Norikon: ...No, tomorrow we walk back from the campsite and have a full day of camp, along with the end-of-camp party.
Concerned Mother: Will there be McDonald's hamburgers?
Norikon: ...No, there will be Japanese food that we made ourselves with the campers. Yakisoba and soba, I believe.
Concerned Mother: Okay, thank you, sorry for keeping you so long, I just wasn't sure when to pick up my son tomorrow.
Norikon: ...

I'd have hung up, Norikon.

lol wtf

I would have said yes.

Wow. It really annoys me when people sign up for things they know very little about, and then panic about it at the last minute. But maybe I shouldn't talk because I'm the opposite extreme; I spend so much time researching things I might do that I don't get around to doing much.

Sounds like you handled that very well, especially considering that the conversation was in Japanese.

SoullessHuman: It wasn't on phone, it was in real life, when I was getting ready to go home.

Ivory Pomegranate: Yeah, I doubt she even read the permission slip. And it's alright to not like things though you're opposite extreme. I'm a total hypocrite, haha.

I would've punted her in the womanballs then.

"Excuse me. Do you speak English?"
"Happy Mothers' Day!"
"I need my bread sliced, and not by filthy hands that have been handling money all day."
"Are you the bottle washer!?" (while leaning into the kitchen and watching me wash dishes)

My god, I got this moron last night.
He says "Is this milk two dollars?"
I read the sign. "Yeah, two dollars."
He continues to stand there staring at me. Finally he points to the other milk. "So that one's not two dollars?"
I read the sign. "No, that one's 2.50(or whatever it was)."
Stares at me some more. "Are they different?"
I say "They're different brands. I doubt there's any real difference." They both come from cow tits! How the fuck am I supposed to know?? Quit staring at me!!!
He continues staring at me. I don't know if he wants something else or not. Finally my boss walked by and started talking to him so I got the fuck out.

^^^^ ha ha ha that funny man

i went to a jack n the box and asked for a number 1 and they asked "is that the burger with the bacon?".......

WTF did you just ask me a stupid question????? YOU WORK HERE JACKASS!!!!!! YOU SHOULD KNO!!!!


i always thought drive thru people knew there own menu plus i ask the questions here mister smarts

WARNING COMPLETE IDIOT ALERT
Brace yourself... This will hurt.

One of the board members for my company said the following. .... .. Just let that soak in.

tried understand that but don't I???

Worst I have to deal with are guests and nurse techs who mistake us for a restaurant. They'll come up and ask us to cook stuff for them, often at the worst possible times. Hello, its a hospital, we don't and can't do that... patients only. We serve from the line on weekends, but you get what we have. Employees should know this, but they'll bitch too when we don't have food left or can't make something for them. It's very freaking irritating.

Patients can be just as bad though. They'll do silly things like not report allergies until we serve something with the allergy in it and they notice it. Tell us these things, grawr!! Or, they'll complain that something they ordered didn't include something not on the menu, etc.

We had this one nutty lady who got a guest tray; wife of a patient or something. We all disliked this lady, she'd lie about not receiving trays, to try to get more free food, take massive quantities of condiments, etc. She held both their menus for 3 days once, I guess thinking she could cash them all in at once, like it was an arcade or something. Was glad when she left.

Reading all of this makes me SO glad that I no longer work in customer service. The customer is nearly always wrong in my experience. People suck.