Today it is pretty bad. I just want to cry, and there is not much of a reason for it.

For a small moment I thought I had periods of depression and normalcy.
I recently realized that I'm constantly depressed and there is no "normalcy" as it's normal for me to be depressed.

I'm quite depressed at the moment because of the media.
Our German football national goal keeper committed suicide by train impact yesterday and now it's all big news over here. It's said he had depressions before, too.
If I read such things I get depressed....

almost jumped out of my apartment window today, so yeah, p bad.

I don't know if its more of being numb then depressed right now. I have a tendency to become really depressed then going numb for periods of time. But, there was no depression before the numb feeling now.

I tried to change my life as a hiki, I started to study and I had a crush with my programming teacher, then I had to move from institute because I sucked at it. In the new institute I kept on thinking about the guy and I couldn't concentrate, plus it was also very difficult and I felt the pressure of my parents, they don't want to keep on supporting me.... I'm about to quit and my level of depression is very high, even though sometimes I go laughing like a mad woman in the street, but it's pure impotence. I also laugh at my teachers and it's pure impotence too. But today, when I came back from street (I was trying to move to another career again, but it wasn't possible). I just went to my room and tried to sleep, I didn't eat because I drank a beer in the street and the feeling for a few minutes was ok. Anyway, I couldn't sleep in my room, I tried but I couldn't, my body hurts, my mind hurts and my heart hurts too.

same thing here. i've been avoiding watching the news and reading newspapers or even watching sad movies. if i stumble upon bad news, i'll feel depress again. and then i'll start to somehow relate the bad news to my pasts or some situation i'm stuck into at that moment. not good at all. as much as i want to avoid news like these, sometimes, i do crave for drama and heartache.

I hate this day...

I went with my mother to the supermarket. I was prepared for it so it was okay. But suddenly my mom wanted to go a shop to get housework stuff and now I felt being defiantly and not wanting to enter it. But I can't make such a scene and so I entered it. The stuff she needed was downstairs and she wanted me to go there because she doesn't like stairs. She described me how to find it but it didn't work. A shop assistant came by and asked me what I needed. It was hard for me to answer it but I kinda made it. She was quite nice but I wanted to disappear at this moment. And in the end my mom was teasing me about it like "You just stand around silly, that was funny..."
*sigh*

And 1 hour ago - when we got home she asked me to close all the doors in the basement. On the last steps I felt down and now my legs and back are causing me pains as hell...
*sigh*

I want to put this day in a trash...

It took me 2yrs to work up enough courage to go outside and take up a course, which i'm failing at. In 2 days I will have officially failed and then i'm going to slink back into my dank pit of a room, back to the same place I was 6 months ago... I thought my life would've become a bit better once I hit 20, but no. I'd say my level of depression at the moment is high, think about blasting myself everyday.

My mom refused to call the school so i can take 2 days off for a muse concert on monday, now im kinda pissed off and depressed at the same time, on high levels.

i don't know if i'm depressed or just sad about things that cannot be changed. i do cry every day though now, usually after work. i guess it should go without saying that i haven't told anyone else neither do they suspect i'm this down about life. they all know i am miserable at my current job though.

I go through periods of depression. Some days I can be quite content, and not think about life and other things that get me down. But other days it consumes me, and life just seems hopeless and pointless.

Robert Enke. I actually watched him play for Hannover against Hamburg a few days before on TV. He was a top quality goalkeeper, and probably would have played for Germany in next year's World Cup. His death got a lot of attention in the media here as well. It felt so strange to suddenly hear that he had committed suicide when I had been watching him as normal a few days prior.

My depression has been moderate and pretty tolerable for a month or so, but I can tell I'm starting to slip into a bad phase now, and I don't know how to stop it.

Gosh! I dislike friends "overasking" me about my future. Thanks, now I'm really at the deepest level of my depression.

I hate when people ask me about the future. I never have anything to say, I end up looking like an idiot. I've always been terrible at thinking ahead. Probably why I'm at where I am now in my life.

Feeling pretty good today to be honest. Spent most of my day outside drinking beers with my cat and listening to music. Felt good.

on a scale of 1-10...

3287370648654739865


i literally just walked out into the rain and cried for 3 hours

hysterically.

it got to the point where i had to lay down so i wouldn't pass out from hyperventilating and pacing back and forth.

my neighbors would look at me through the windows and give me weird looks for laying in the street in the rain crying like a small child.

Aw Kuri

My scale is fluctuating between 0 and 10.
Right now, maybe 8.

My eyes are burning, my face shows no reaction, Im always tired, no motivation.
God damn im a piece of crap right now, my mom is drunk again and I just locked my door to avoid any contact.
I try to avoid communication with anyone as best as I can.

I have been on a mega dose of vitamin D 2000 IU's for about a month and so far my depression is in remission

I take Vitamin D too but it has no effect on my psyche.

About 7/10. Most of this past year I have felt depressed with the occasional lucid period when I've felt fairly good but overall, rather down. I've had some big disappointments with people I thought were friends and things haven't been going so well where I work. I have to find a way to count my blessings more because life could be far worse.

today I was really really depressed! but got better as the day went by. I think it's cause is from my "monthly visitor"... sorry if I gross out any guys.

Don't apologize. I'm totally down with period chat.