Hell yea man. Reading posts like this always pick me up, thanks for sharing.

I'm happy that it lifts you up. Sometimes, reading happy stuff when you are sad makes you feel worse. But I'm glad it was positive for you!

Right now I am at level 100. I joined a gym yesterday and have been doing tons of walking so I have some big painful blisters on my feet right now to keep my mind off my depression to a degree. Then I went to the community hottub and stared at 3 really hot girls... and felt really lewd.

My level of depression is sky high, but I'm kind of getting used to it. Though being an asshole to everyone around me is not the best thing for me to do. Not being able to sleep and having fingertips that feel like fuck also contribute to depression, but they also add to my super pissed off level. Not having any ideas of drawings adds to that, too.

Probably about a three right now as I've got my usual anxiety and I ran out of meds. But other than that there's nothing really bringing my depression to a high level.

Not really sure how high it is... somewhere between 90 and 110. Went to the gym yesterday had a good work out that dropped my levels to very low... However, like all drugs the effects wear off. Guess we will find out how far I will drop today.

Gah I fucking hate that about depression. I have had writers block forever... Well I guess not for depressing stuff... but that is not something for this site.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but still feeling bad about the dream I had last night. Just feeling @!#@!$!, physically and mentally. I'm going to a punk show tonight, so hopefully that will bring me back up. I've been fairly content lately, and I don't want it to go away.

Actually feeling passively suicidal. l want a pick me up.

Right now level 222... I don't know what happened I was around level 50 earlier today. Then all of the sudden I crashed. The entire time I was on my drive I was thinking. "How fast is that car going? Maybe I should take off my seatbelt and hit it"... I don't know... I am feeling like a good walk into a bus would be nice.

Why does depression have to hit so hard?

Oh Reiji, please stay strong!

l am feeling low. Not depressed. Just low. Low enough not want to do anything and thinking of passive suicide, but not depressed where l begin to act irrationally.

I am crossing into the danger zone... level 240+. I feel so alienated from everything right now. My friend does not want to hang out with me. She got pissed because I was out when she wanted to play Wii games yesterday. She did not sound pissed she sounded disappointed. She always sounds disappointed when I am not around for her... but she has a boyfriend... I don't get it. I let her control my mood so much it makes me sick. Same with another friend. I do not even know if she cares. I am going to be too busy for her this week. Not text her once... see if she even misses me. I am going to see if my other friend calls me to hang out.

Then there was my failure last night. I tried to go out and be outside and play some Pump It Up. However, the train ride brought me down. All sorts of pretty girls, including a nice asian harem , got on the train and off the train. Alll I could do is cower like the pathetic man I am. Who am I kidding women do not want me. Especially pretty happy ones like the ones I saw on the train. Not to mention all the happy good looking guys on the train. It made me realize how far I have to go and how long I will be miserable like this.

Damn I need to get some food that might bring up my mood a bit. I have not eaten since... well 17 hours ago. I am just so lazy and detached... maybe a little starvation will do me some good. Crap so much to do... grocery shopping for my new diet... the anime club that I have been wanting to check out since I finally have a sunday free... god will I be able to do any of that?

@althe: Thanks I will try to stay strong or at least pretend to be strong.
Ok enough rambling... sorry to have taken up so much space

Not depressed, just hungover again. I need to stop drinking so often. Peer pressure, man.

Back down to 200... I am kind of proud of myself for pushing past my social anxiety and going to my anime club. However, my fears have been realized. It is a group of middle aged men who hang out and watch anime. The only guy younger than me was one guys son. The rest were will into their 30s and 40s. I think the guy running the show might be around my age. Of course the one female there is already taken. Oh well lets see if I can force myself to go again.

l ran out of pills today. Need to get more. l like sleeping on the floor or on the couch. The bed feels too normal. l can't sleep. l want to sleep forever. l feel nothing.

For some reason I enjoy sleeping on the couch or floor as well. Even if the floor has no cover it just feels oddly comfortable. Also that sucks about your pills. I hate running out and it shows in posts that I'm not 100% there when I miss a few days.

Edit: I forgot to answer for today. I don't know I'm a 3 and not completly depressed but I am pretty bored and lonely. Dumb.

8/10. I've been really depressed lately.

Hmm not sure right now I am around 163 level. That will likely get lower once I do my training. Just feeling kind of hopeless about my female situation. God I hate my libido. As well as feeling bad about how I have not unpacked anything over the past 2 weeks.

I found that sleeping at a different angle on my bed helps. Like sleeping with my head where my feet normally went of something. Isn't it odd h ow our body gets annoyed with constantly doing the same thing.

Eheh, oh Reiji

Not depressed right now. l'm kind of worried though. Smoked last night and l have a tendency to get depressed after. lt usually starts two weeks later. We'll see. l'll be monitoring myself over the next week or so. Hopefully nothing will come of it.

Somewhere between 150 and 170. As well as somewhere between and it has been a busy week. I am exhausted. Plus it seems like none of my friends miss me enough to call or text me. I am having issues keeping myself motivated to go out this weekend. Feels like all the work I am doing to combat my depression has just fallen over and I have to start over from square 1

-100% depressed. I feel great. My best friend graduates college tomorrow.

Motivated is fading again. My mind lingers to mistakes of the past that brought this wave of depression upon me. All the things... the very simple easy stupid things I could have done to prevent this. No matter how encouraging my trainer is it seems to be fading. Fading oh so very fast... fucking depression. Level 220.

@FONEternal: Congratulations to your friend.

High. I might not post too much, but I'll still lurk my ass off.

Not so high right now, I have a feeling that once I have time to think about recent events my depression will sky-rocket.

I'm kind of pissed off at myself for spending pretty much all of my time on my computer. When I think about how much time I waste on here, it makes me depressed. Once I start browsing the net, I can't stop. I often can sit behind my monitor non-stop for five hours. It's only when my back gets sore that I realize that it would be advisable to get up for a while. Once I feel better, I go back online and the same thing happens again - I completely lose track of time.

When it comes to entertainment, I'm limited to a few things: My computer, books, films, videogames, and TV. The fact that I can do all of the above things right on my computer is unfortunate. It makes it very difficult for me to stay off of here.

I think that when I'm done watching the remaining few hours of Photoshop tutorials that I've yet to view, I will try to take a break from my computer. Even if I'll be watching films or reading books (on my DVD player and in paper form, respectively), I should feel better. Maybe when I'm done taking a break I'll try to figure out what I want to do with my life.

So yeah... I'm a little bit down.

8.