Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:36 pm Posts: 1973 Location: 永遠亭
Country: United States
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Mood: Apathetic
Re: Suicide attempt
I tried to attempt suicide numerous times from about 8 to now. My problem is, I always get scared and can't do it.
_________________
Who are they to tell people's best interests? http://visiunadeshiko.wordpress.com They weren't terrified because they saw something. They saw something because they were terrified.
i've been hospitalized twice and attempted about half a dozen times. i can't say that i wouldn't try again.
_________________ i can only deal with one thing at a time. if i deal with one thing at a time, i am less inclined to shoot myself in the head.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 3:37 pm
Vsnare
Gerätefranjo
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 1:12 pm Posts: 735
Country: Germany
Sex: Male
Mood: Cold
Re: Suicide attempt
I wanted to jump out of the window from the 10th floor when i was 16 yrs old, but i could even get myself standing on the windowsill, so cant even count that closely as an attempt I'm such a fucking looser.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:05 pm
Suedehead
So if we're all basically Homos, shouldn't we get along?
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:49 pm Posts: 3499 Location: NW England
Country: United Kingdom
Sex: Female
Re: Suicide attempt
I would probably fuck it up if I ever tried to commit suicide. I would actually be pleased if I succeeded for finally being able to do something right.
_________________ I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:12 pm
FONEternal
Stoner Sun Rising
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 4:28 pm Posts: 4244
Country: United States
Mood: Mellow
Re: Suicide attempt
Suedehead wrote:
I would probably fuck it up if I ever tried to commit suicide. I would actually be pleased if I succeeded for finally being able to do something right.
How would you know if you succeeded?
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:19 pm
Suedehead
So if we're all basically Homos, shouldn't we get along?
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:49 pm Posts: 3499 Location: NW England
Country: United Kingdom
Sex: Female
Re: Suicide attempt
Urgh, I knew someone would come in with that. I was sort of half-joking. Though if you want an actual answer I suppose I mean if there was an afterlife. Which there isn't. Therefore my post is illogical, etc, etc...
_________________ I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:22 pm
FONEternal
Stoner Sun Rising
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 4:28 pm Posts: 4244
Country: United States
Mood: Mellow
Re: Suicide attempt
I just wanted to nit-pick.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:24 pm
Suedehead
So if we're all basically Homos, shouldn't we get along?
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:49 pm Posts: 3499 Location: NW England
Country: United Kingdom
Sex: Female
Re: Suicide attempt
You're such a pedant.
_________________ I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:26 pm
LordTricky
Smother My Body in Baconaise and Have Your Way With Me!
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 4:29 am Posts: 1195
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Mood: Awake
Re: Suicide attempt
Suedehead wrote:
I mean if there was an afterlife. Which there isn't.
Maybe this is the Afterlife...
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:34 pm
Suedehead
So if we're all basically Homos, shouldn't we get along?
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:49 pm Posts: 3499 Location: NW England
Country: United Kingdom
Sex: Female
Re: Suicide attempt
If it is, I am not impressed.
_________________ I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:36 pm
Syppress
Everybody gets a little lost sometimes.
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:33 am Posts: 1755 Location: Toronto
Country: Canada
Sex: Male
Re: Suicide attempt
I could never commit suicide. Once you're dead, you're a corpse, and that's it. Nothing else. I've thought about it, but I've never gotten to the point where I'd prefer complete nothingness over suffering, because, as incredibly cheesy as it sounds, tomorrow is another day. If someone truly knows they have nothing worth living for, whether it be present or future, then I can understand, but that's never the case because you can not predict the future. Life is fucking beautiful and amazing. We're lucky to be alive. Take a hike in the forest for a few hours, paint, draw, read, write, listen to music, write music, eat until you puke -- if you still want to kill yourself, I'll hand you a gun.
I understand I might have just pissed some of you off. Sorry. Just my two cents.
_________________
Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:44 pm
RobbyBobson
Elitist
Joined: Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:24 pm Posts: 2558 Location: England
Country: United Kingdom
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Mood: Blah
Re: Suicide attempt
I ended up going for the 'guaranteed' way, rather than some impulsive 5-second gunshot dealio (not that i could get a gun anyway ). I went 48 hours without food/water, during which i watched Fight Club (for the first time, at last), then only went and had a bleedin' epiphany of sorts!
Got a new outlook on life and such now, and am now accepting of pain rather than wishing death because of it. I'm stronger now. If you're never wanted to die, how can you ever truly have wanted to live? And other such karmic slogans
_________________
" I think our opposition, whoever they may be, in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour."
Mon Jul 12, 2010 4:13 am
Flowenol
Non-elitist
Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:44 am Posts: 16
Country: South Korea
Sex: Male
Mood: Dark
Re: Suicide attempt
Althe,
I haven't attempted suicide but I've been told I should.
The only experience with suicide was that one of my parents attempted suicide when I was in my teens--I was the one who found that parent unconscious and called the ambulance in time. Also, I married someone with a long history of suicide and depression under the illusion that I could rescue her. That relationship did not survive a year and I have not seen her for almost a decade. This also happened in U.S.A.
I wouldn't make the presumption to offer you advice; I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience and hope the best for you. I commiserate because I've begun to entertain thoughts of suicide for the first time. So far it's only been confined to ideation and I haven't acted on those thoughts.
John Stuart Mills once wrote: "[i]t is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied." However, I more than understand your desire for ignorant bliss.
Thanks again for sharing.
Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:15 am
LordTricky
Smother My Body in Baconaise and Have Your Way With Me!
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 4:29 am Posts: 1195
Country: United States
Sex: Male
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Re: Suicide attempt
I have a hard time believing that I am any less ignorant than others.
Case in point:
Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:29 am
sasuke83
Non-elitist
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:31 am Posts: 130
Country: Canada
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Mood: Infuriated
Re: Suicide attempt
... This is my first time back in a while. Currently I am kinda annoyed and want to have a bitchfest, but I really have no one to talk to at this moment, so that is why I am back. I got in an argument with my mother, and basically she said that I am fat, ugly, useless and lucky to be alive. But I really don't feel like that. I have wanted to commit suicide for a while, but never followed though. I feel that it would be in everyone's best interest if I was no longer alive.
I don't understand this whole selfish thing about committing suicide, or how it is stronger to stay alive. I am thinking about committing suicide, but maybe I not... I dunno... I just feel mixed right now. Isn't that odd?
_________________ I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem. On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel… kind of bad… like a big failure or something… I… uh… I want to go home! ~Jane (Daria)
Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:53 pm
Jelly Fishie
pins & needles
Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:38 pm Posts: 318 Location: wrapped in polyester
Country: United States
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Mood: Sad
Re: Suicide attempt
sasuke83 wrote:
... This is my first time back in a while. Currently I am kinda annoyed and want to have a bitchfest, but I really have no one to talk to at this moment, so that is why I am back. I got in an argument with my mother, and basically she said that I am fat, ugly, useless and lucky to be alive. But I really don't feel like that. I have wanted to commit suicide for a while, but never followed though. I feel that it would be in everyone's best interest if I was no longer alive.
I don't understand this whole selfish thing about committing suicide, or how it is stronger to stay alive. I am thinking about committing suicide, but maybe I not... I dunno... I just feel mixed right now. Isn't that odd?
I understand what you mean. I feel all over the place right now, but, at the moment, I feel like no longer being alive with benefit everyone. I don't understand how it is selfish, especially since all I hear is how we have to think about "those who love us" and how they're going to "suffer". Isn't it selfish of them to think about their own reaction, instead of the person who want to commit suicide? It's our life, so, I believe we should be allowed to take it. If we couldn't, suicide would be non-existent. I don't understand how it is stronger to stay alive at all, it seems like mere torture, quite honestly.
Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:11 pm
imawahitoridemo
Non-elitist
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:04 pm Posts: 13
Country: United States
Sex: Male
Mood: Relaxed
Re: Suicide attempt
Quote:
I don't understand how it is selfish, especially since all I hear is how we have to think about "those who love us" and how they're going to "suffer". Isn't it selfish of them to think about their own reaction, instead of the person who want to commit suicide? It's our life, so, I believe we should be allowed to take it. If we couldn't, suicide would be non-existent. I don't understand how it is stronger to stay alive at all, it seems like mere torture, quite honestly.
I realize I am digging up an old thread, but I wonder what the "suicide=selfish" camp has to say about this. Loved ones (especially dependents) do suffer from suicide, so the act is selfish in a way. However, it seems just as selfish to expect someone to live through what is effectively torture. Is it right to force someone who's being burned alive to live on a little bit longer just for you? Of course, this is an extreme and perhaps unfair example, but it illustrates what I'm getting at. There exists a threshold of pain beyond which one simply cannot bear to live on. This issue is complicated because both views are arguably selfish.
While I'm at it, I think I will disclose some of my past experiences, though they may not count as legitimate attempts:
When I was 18, I decided I'd fall asleep in the woods, lightly dressed, and freeze to death in the snow. I don't know that I really had the resolve to end my life, but I did it with the mindset that I wouldn't mind if I did as a consequence. I took some pain killers and went through half a bottle of rum. As I looked up at the overcast sky I saw tree branches swaying in the wind. The sight was completely desolate and I felt as if I was the only human being alive in a world of dead trees. It was really creepy... that's the last thing I remember. I woke up later in a hospital, and I honestly don't know how. It was late, dark, and somewhat deep off a trail in the woods, but perhaps someone's dog led his owner to me on a late-night walk? This still bothers me.
Another time, I seriously thought about jumping off a waterfall but chickened out. I used to live near a waterfall and would go there at night to listen to the sound of water crashing onto the rocks below. One night I went with the intent of jumping in. I never thought I'd be afraid of death, but when I stood on the edge of the cliff and stared into the dark abyss I was really frightened. To me, the roar of the waterfall sounded like death itself inviting me to come in. It was just too creepy. Maybe it would not have been so if it were during the day?
Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:03 am
fraktale
"♪"
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:03 pm Posts: 946 Location: nowhere to be found
Mood: Apathetic
Re: Suicide attempt
To be honest, I think the really selfish ones are those who say suicide is. I agree with the statement that since it's your life, it's also up to you to live it or not.
For a long time I pondered why people weep at funerals and why they despair over the departure of a loved one. In the result I think, although this might sound very simplified, people grow attached to one another because they shared a good time. And in a way, in the back of their head, they wish to repeat this. Ultimately I believe every human action is in it's basics a selfish one. A wish to keep a person with them to repeat and relive good times also is. For a person to commit suicide there surely is a reason and chances are that it's a painful one. If the person in question really didn't see any other option to escape their pain but this.. Is to weep at their departure really the appropriate thing to do? Personally, I don't think so..
Mark Twain had put it into even more cynical words:
Quote:
“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.”
_________________
Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:55 am
Pantheon
Elitist
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:55 pm Posts: 498 Location: Scotland
Country: United Kingdom
Mood: Accepted
Re: Suicide attempt
imawahitoridemo wrote:
I used to live near a waterfall and would go there at night to listen to the sound of water crashing onto the rocks below.
If you ignore the specific time you mention, that sounds really peaceful, like a perfect way to try to relax.
I have a similar spot about a mile out from my house, under a bridge over a slow moving river where bats will be flying all around scavenging little flying beetles. You can hear them crunching the bugs and dropping the empty shells into the water below, then that sound reverberates in the space under the bridge. That actually might be a neat idea for a thread, to ask what peoples chill out spots are.
Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:36 pm
SoullessHuman
All Love is Pure in its Depravity; All Innocence is Sincere in its Deception
To be honest I think both are selfish in a way. One man cannot bear to live anymore, and so he leaves this world, leaving a gap filled with his pain in the hearts of everyone he knew and did not know. And everyone around him doesn't want his pain, so they try to force him to continue living so they don't have to suffer what he suffers every day. It's easy to argue from both sides, but it's harder to simply be selfless. Rather than saying 'you're selfish, no, you're selfish!' it would be probably better to approach the issue as 'look, I understand you're in pain but it's not going to do anyone good, settle down and let's talk and maybe make your life bearable to live'.
I think about suicide all the time. Likely, I won't kill myself until later in life. There are still things I want to do. When I do them, I'll die satisfied.
_________________ Ask Soulless a Question! I deceive everyone, I destroy everything And the place where light used to shine now remains Pulled away from my heart, here no longer Yet still I stay captive to my avarice chains
Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:16 pm
meganloveshercat
Non-elitist
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:45 pm Posts: 546 Location: New Jersey
Country: United States
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Re: Suicide attempt
I think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay alive so that you don't have to suffer their loss. I don't like that living is an obligation one has to their loved ones. If someone doesn't want to feel pain and misery everyday, then they should be able to make the decision to cease living.
I'd been suicidal and depressed since elementary school up until about a year ago. When I was 8, I had a meat carving knife and contemplated stabbing myself in the chest. I guess I was too afraid of death and pain and didn't want to hurt my family, because I just kind of poked myself with it and gave up. My depression and social anxiety got worse and peaked in 9th grade, when all I thought about was hurting and killing myself. I've had several hospitalizations for suicide attempts(Pills, CO poisoning). But I'm the one who sort of botched them, probably because I was scared or deep-down didn't want my existence to end. And what kept me from hurting myself for a while was worrying about how my family would feel. Nowadays, I'm still depressed but barely suicidal. I don't have the same pain and misery as I used to. (Thank goodness for my alternative school & DBT therapy!) I want to enjoy more things in this world. I'm not sure what compelled me to write this unnecessary stuff.
Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:26 pm
Mementomori
mada mada dane
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 1:00 pm Posts: 1947 Location: the underground
Country: United States
Sex: Female
Mood: Stressed
Re: Suicide attempt
I think it's cruel to make someone live who's "done". If we are allowed to have absolute control over one things in our lives, it should at least be over whether we live or die.
The worst thing is keeping people who are horribly injured/crippled alive. Especially when they have a DNR, and people decide to take it to court and have them judged incompetent instead of following it, and then they end up having to stay alive anyway--expressly against their wishes--and be a prisoner in their own body, waiting to die, sucking the life and money from their family all the while just because people can't...fucking...let...go.
Ugh.
I hate this sense of duty I have to the living. It's okay. One day, everyone will be gone. Everyone. I don't buy into the idea that "everyone has someone", there's plenty of people, especially the elderly, who just fade away and then die absolutely alone. But I guess, at least, even though being alone like that is frighting, once I'm there I'll be free.
I'm not going to argue what is 'more selfish', I'm saying that both are in fact selfish and that arguments can be made on both sides. However, I am also saying that ultimately, arguments on selfishness are totally moot points. We should instead approach this argument in a more positive light and instead of accusing each other as selfish, seek to live and die selflessly and nonjudgementally. I always found the argument as to who is selfish in suicide incredibly unhelpful, because it ignores the real problem- people are in pain, so let's help them. If people die, then let's comfort the mourning folk and help them, too. Selfisheness doesn't really matter, because even if you're 'right' that X is more selfish than Y, both people are still in pain. It's why suicide tends to be such a sad topic: no one wins in the end.
_________________ Ask Soulless a Question! I deceive everyone, I destroy everything And the place where light used to shine now remains Pulled away from my heart, here no longer Yet still I stay captive to my avarice chains
Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:35 pm
meganloveshercat
Non-elitist
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:45 pm Posts: 546 Location: New Jersey
Country: United States
Sex: Female
Mood: Curious
Re: Suicide attempt
SoullessHuman wrote:
I'm not going to argue what is 'more selfish', I'm saying that both are in fact selfish and that arguments can be made on both sides. However, I am also saying that ultimately, arguments on selfishness are totally moot points. We should instead approach this argument in a more positive light and instead of accusing each other as selfish, seek to live and die selflessly and nonjudgementally. I always found the argument as to who is selfish in suicide incredibly unhelpful, because it ignores the real problem- people are in pain, so let's help them. If people die, then let's comfort the mourning folk and help them, too. Selfisheness doesn't really matter, because even if you're 'right' that X is more selfish than Y, both people are still in pain. It's why suicide tends to be such a sad topic: no one wins in the end.
Of course. It is pointless to focus on who's the more selfish party. I wasn't trying to argue what you said; I was just responding to the original post about selfishness, I guess because I used to feel strongly about the unfairness of feeling obligated to live.
Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:11 pm
Dr Toxicophilous
I'm not an elitist, I'm just better than you
Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:00 am Posts: 2426
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Re: Suicide attempt
And it's not bad to be selfish. It is bad to impose your will on someone else.
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I'm such a fucking looser.
). I went 48 hours without food/water, during which i watched Fight Club (for the first time, at last), then only went and had a bleedin' epiphany of sorts!
