What are your fears when it comes to relationships? This can also include confessing, courting, etc etc. Anything to do with relationships and what scares you about them.

Lol there are millions


That I'll never meet anyone who will be okay with the fact that I'm so inexperienced.
That I'll never meet anyone that will accept me as I am & try to be understanding.
That I'll never meet anyone period.
That I'll be alone forever.


There are a million other things I could add. Those are absolutely nothing compared to all the things I'm afraid of.

Someone betraying my trust.

I have the same fear because it happens all the time and that is the person will either cheat on me or start liking another person. It has happened in almost every relationship I've been in. It has lead to a sub concience worry that people only talk to me and go out with me because they have a hidden motive to fufill.

That I won't be my partner's ideal mate. The idea that they may have 'settled' for me because there was no one else torments me.
I don't like myself at all, so I really don't think it's possible for someone to actually like me for who I am. Never mind actually love me. I can't get my head around that.
So, I feel like for someone to want to be with me, they'd have had to forcefully cut their losses and force themselves to stick around.
Ughh.

This is an interesting question for me, because I feel that I have a honest fear of intimacy.

- Physical intimacy and her respecting my desire to avoid sex
- The very beginning, as in, initiating the relationship
- My biggest fear of all is that it would end up consuming my life and taking away my freedom and independence. I worry that I won't find a girl who will respect my personal space and the fact that I don't want to be tied down. If I feel like moving across the country, I expect to be able to do it with no problems. Because of this fear, part of me feels like I should avoid relationships.

i fear stark realities which loom in my mind.
i'm just a housewife with no formal education with very uncommon and unpopular views. if we were to break up i wouldn't be able to support myself. this leads to me not being able to fully be myself around the one i love.. some can say it's because i know my place and others can think it's shady what side of the bread the butter is on manipulation. at any rate i think it best no to upset him too much with what my take is on certain subjects. best to be thought a fool than to open my mouth and frighten the man.
if i gain too much weight or get too old he could easily replace me if he became bored of me. the foundation of our relationship was and is mind blowing sex. without that desire i'm just a friend who cleans and cooks for him. so i can't get pixie haircuts, or dye my hair weird colors, and even though around the house i dress like a schlub i know that when we go out or on his days off i need to look more attractive.
a great allegory for our lives and relationship is it's his restaurant. he's the chef and no matter how important i the general manager may be and how much of myself may be demanded and placed into this restaurant - it's not mine. it's not my product or art, and it never will be. i don't choose the decor, the cuisine, the wine, the staff, the front / back house animosity or the clientele i simply inherited the responsibility for all of it.

I don't mean to be a downer or an asshole, Mask Identity, but that sounds like a really undesirable situation. I can't fathom not being 100% myself 100% of the time.

it's cool FONE, you're not being either. long term relationships are about compromise and since i'm a woman i'm expected to compromise more. that's just the way it works i guess.
besides as long as i live in the states i don't know if i'll ever be able to unabashedly be myself no matter what situation i'm in if it involves other people which it will eventually have to. i just come to conclusions that are so radically different than the average person's here. explaining myself gets to be too troublesome so i've learned to not say anything in the first place. it would be cool if i could say what i think without incurring arguments or disdain but life doesn't work out the way you wanted it to more often than not.

the whole concept of having a relationship with a girl is totally alien and not understandable for me, and therefore it generally frightens me.

l share the same fear.

l also have an irrational fear that if l confess to someone, they'll point and laugh at me.

l'm surprised so many people have a fear of intimacy. l can see why. l find intimacy scary at first, but once l get into an intimate moment, it's such a warm feeling.

Hmmm this is a good question... hmmm... well one fear I have is not being physically satisfied by her. Like she will want one extreme and not the other. Another fear I will have is appearing to needy. Another fear I have is I will be too physical for her. I will miss her signs as to when she is feeling up or down. I will not invite her to the right things. I will say something honest and ruin everything.

In all honesty my greatest fear is that I will be to physical. What can I say I like touching girls

I'm scared that my flaws will put the guy off in some way when he sees them. Like I have blackheads on my nose, and what if he for some reason gets close to my face and he sees all of them and he's like "....Oh god.."
Also, when I get depressed or angry or something negative like that, I don't want it to scare him or anything. (I tend to get violent or something when I get angry/depressed)
And I like cuddling, so what if I accidentally want to cuddle too much?
And the one thing I hate most about relationships is arguing. I fucking HATE arguing, with anyone. One argument and I'll be put off in a state of "......wat....." for a looong time. I'll start to get paranoid too, like maybe now he secretly hates me. Stuff like that.

I don't know, I'm more scared of appearance stuff, my mental health, and arguing.

Actually, for better or worse, I get the impression that most long-term relationships are some variation on that theme. One could debate endlessly over whether or not words like "manipulative" apply to common patterns in relationships like this. But the fact is it's the norm. It's reality.

One person always ends up having more power than the other in pretty much any relationship. It's popular to idealize things and ignore this reality. Maybe this sort of idealization is a survival mechanism. Maybe you're both lucky and unlucky to be able to see through it to the harsh truth.


I've never been willing to tell anyone everything about myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that, morally, one should only feel obligated to tell another person things that could affect that other person. Your ideas on politics, philosophy, etc don't directly affect your spouse, so you have the right to keep them to yourself, no matter what the reason.

I am so pathetically jealous. At any moment i'm panicking if i see someone say the slightest thing that could be misconstrued as flirting. Even with people i'm not actually with! Fuuuuck. I either need to be with someone who's similarly up tight or someone to make me chill the fuck out. I've got more neuroses than Woody Allen.

I get jealous of everyone in the object of my affection's life, not just potential competitors. Seriously, I'm talking family and everything here.
Thankfully, I'm aware of how possessive and downright weird my behaviour is and I never let it show - which is what convinces me of my sanity.

High five on our deviant mindsets



True as this may be, it's somewhat scant consolation...

I'm afraid of someday finding myself in a relationship. I'd feel I had become impure, like the Roman matron Lucretia.

I'll get too close to the person and get hurt in the end.

Ah yes I have this fear too.

My fear is relying on another person.

Right now, the guy l have feelings for is the one that makes me happy (and pained at the same time). l need him, but don't know how to ask. l don't want to place such a heavy responsibility on one person. l've never expressed myself so thoroughly before so it's a little daunting.

I fear putting too much on the person I like as well.

Harden not your heart, but your spirit.

With your new avatar, i can't help but hear your posts as wise parable advice