Will you tell your future lover of your hikikomori past?

If I meet someone, I'll have much difficulty speaking of my life as a virtual shut-in. I seriously can't see myself being able to openly say "I spent more than half a decade inside only to leave a few times a year."

I'm nervous that, even if I hide this, my fucking family will tell my girlfriend about the way I was. If she'd know, I don't think I'd be able to speak to her anymore.

I seriously think the only way for me to find peace of mind is to move somewhere far away, not tell family or anyone of my old life about my whereabouts, and start completely fresh without the risk of anyone telling people of my old ways.

I prefer my future lover to be reclusive as well, so yes.

I believe in complete honesty & I'm unable to lie or usually even omit (though I can do that depending on the circumstance) so I would definitely let it be known. Though, the only way I'm ever going to meet someone will most likely be online since I'm too afraid to even talk to anyone in real life, anyway. Someone either accepts me wholly as I am, reclusiveness included, or I stay single forever.

If I was simply reclusive, I obviously wouldn't mind her knowing about me being somewhat introverted. The thing is that I'm one of the few literal hikikomori/shut-ins of this site. It's tough to admit to living such an abnormal life.

This may be shocking to some of you, but I sometimes don't step outside for upwards of months at a time and once never stepped out for about a year. How am I supposed to tell someone that I never stepped out for a year? Most people would be disturbed by this (hell, even I am).

The strange thing is that my reclusiveness doesn't really match my personality. I can appear to be an outgoing person, but usually feel a great amount of anxiety while around people. However, I'm good at masking this and I think it may be because I used to have lots of friends. My former lifestyle consisted of me going out with friends on a near-daily basis, so I was able to develop social skills.

I am not ashamed of any part of my life. I've not done anything that goes totally against my code of ethics. Just another unique life experience.

As for being reclusive, it is part of who I am. I've never *not* been reclusive to some extent. I also don't see myself changing very much in this respect. The only part I dislike about the whole deal is sitting still in this chair for too long. I enjoy being physically active. So, I'm trying to correct this. Hiking more often, running daily, etc. I simply don't want to be very social. The next person I am in a relationship with will most likely be that way as well. I couldn't see myself dating someone who was outgoing and wanted to be 'out and about' all the time. I want her to be a homebody like me. So, if I met someone who I felt like I had to hide my reclusive nature from, I'd know right away that she wasn't for me.

Two lovers in a really strong relationship should and would be able to accept each others' past. If not then he/she is not in love with his/her lover but an incomplete image of that person, and this will lead to bigger problems sooner or later.

Yup, I would tell them in a heartbeat. Best they know who I am. Even if it is not the best thing.

Same.

l actually find reclusive/hiki lifestyles fascinating. lt doesn't disturb me, though it does concern me. l would be more interested than disgusted by you if you told me of your past. Then again, l can empathize.

Yes, because my future lover would be open-minded enough to accept 'abnormality'. I wouldn't be able to be with someone who was a close-minded conformist who freaked out at anything out of the ordinary. I've had experiences with people like this and I have no time for them whatsoever. I find weirdness, eccentricity and reclusiveness/hikikomori to be fascinating, and for me to be compatible with someone, they'd have to have the same sort of mentality.

No because I want to be a hikikomori with them. Similar to what Suedhead said, I'm attracted to the different and I find weirdness, reclusiveness, and insanity all very beautiful things.

They are beautiful things.

The strange aspects of life are sometimes the only things that seem worth caring about. Everything can be so uninspiring.

They'd already know because I'd want to be a hikikomori with them. Or at least a recluse with them. I'd never want them to leave my side~

So I could never date someone super outgoing.

I don't think it would be something I'd be able to hide. Unless I created some elaborate false life, but that's just something I could never do.

You make it sound like too much of a big deal when it really isn't and there nothing much to hide anyway.......

id want a girl who is interested in me so i will tell her the truth. -yes i would

Lol for some people, it's a very big deal & there's a lot of shame/embarrassment involved with other people finding out.

Me too. I would never want to be with someone who would judge me for being different.

I won't hide it. If it comes up, it comes up. Hopefully I meet someone where it's the first thing we have in common though. I've never really had a hard time talking about "hard" subjects as long as someone else brings it up first.

Even the other day when I went out with some friends for the first time in a while, one of them asked, "So what's new with you?" I said, "nothing much." Then one of my other jackass friend comes up, "yep! he wouldn't do anything without me! I turn him off when we're not hanging out." I honestly wanted to sock him in the face for saying that, but I went along with it and basically told the guy, "yep, when I'm not at school I'm at home all day. I'm a recluse." All with a smile on my face He probably thought I was joking around.

I live in a small town, so everyone who knows me knows I'm something of a loner.

In fact, I think my current reputation in the local grapevine is that of a mysterious recluse who lives in an abandoned vicarage, likes to drink codeine cough syrup, and sleeps with a loaded pump-action rifle. Small town gossip version of the truth.

being a loner is just who i am so of course my husband knows and accepts though he may not approve. were we to ever break up and i find someone else.. they would have to know that i need my alone time, i hate unexpected guests, i prefer they be social somewhere else, i'm not close to my family and won't be close with his, and that none of this will ever change. if those are things that he can't deal with then it wouldn't have ever worked out anyways.

I think it's irrelevant talking about it. Unless it's necessary to fully understand my life, there's no need to bring it up. If there are going to be girls/women who'd reject me just because of my past and anti-social tendencies, then obviously, they're not the one for me. A relationship comes out of trust and understanding, in my opinion. Not out of who's better than the other in terms of personality.

I won't hide anything. In fact, I'll let the guy know straight up that I'm a hermit at heart and I'm happiest with only one other person at most and that there will be times where I won't be able to bear hearing a person's voice, even if it is my lover. If he can't accept it, he can leave me be.

If you have to hide something like being reclusive from your "lover", then I don't think you have enough trust in them, or you guys aren't meant to be. No one wants to be with a person who would judge you just because of your past.

No, because being reclusive in itself isn't so much the cause but more of symptom of lacking effective social skills.

If I was competent enough to attract a girl, my past is irrelevant.

lt occurred to me that l never answered the question.

l would only tell if they asked. l wouldn't make a huge deal of it seeing as it doesn't consume my whole life. l'm a little ashamed of it to tell you the truth. l don't find my reclusiveness healthy 'cause l never do it in a healthy way. l hole up in my room, eat, stay on the computer, and ignore the outside world.