To a future lover? No. I learn from my mistakes. At most she would have to be like me or had been like me in some point in time.

I pretend pretty well, nobody has ever had a clue that i am who i am. Mostly they see me as anti-social or lazy (how many times i've heard this one... and i'm anything but lazy ) Friends, parents, strangers, doctors, cats, none of them had a clue.

So in a 6 or so years relationship with a girl, i came to a point things were getting bizarre (truth be told i kinda broke down inside ), i was out of excuses, so i was forced to tell it to a person for the very first time.

She was completely surprised, she wasn't even suspicious that i had a named problem, she had many silly questions as i found her brain was not equipped to handle such a weird notion. I knew it would happen, that she would not understand, and we were once quite close, we shared a life together for duck sake!

I see it every day. People know a given reality, so their reality is what they know, what they can grasp. Anything else is excluded, seen with shifty eyes. I also knew i would regret it, and i did, time and time again, as she, a person with some problems herself (nothing fancy, spoiled girl problems, no, really. I'm not being insensitive), started to mock me, referring to me in terms equal to pathetic, weird, fragile or even suggest that it was some snob notion that i lived with, an excuse so i wouldn't be bothered. She would even laugh at me. And instead of helping me to do more things she got further away from me, and concentrated her attention on her personal stuff. Only to come to me for help in her self-interests. I got to the point she was piling stuff on me, on purpose, tasks that meant extreme human contact, trips, daily out the door and do this you have no choice stuff. Things that could be avoided, that not meant any sort of income. Just to f*ck with me.

One of my biggest, well not regret... but sad point in my memory, was a time that girl was in the hospital (simple surgery, she was in and out the next day) and i was unable to walk out the door, i couldn't even call her, what would i say?

"oh, hi there... well I've tried it 10 to 20 times already but i can't walk out, yeah. No, i'm just on the floor broken down crying my lungs out. Hope you feel better, bye." <- And i do know its pathetic, yes yes, she was right... i know.

She didn't even know at the time. , but years later when the person you love rubes it in just to hurt you... oh man. I felt dead inside, completely hopeless and she reacts in that way, knowing fully well of the anxiety attacks she had seen?! I have a poor choice of the people i love, can't help it i guess.

This was a young, open minded person, and she couldn't get it, at all. Imagine an older person that has no idea of what the hell you're talking about, people that lived normal lives for decades. It's simply not possible.

This and only this:





Nothing else needs to be said.

Sure, but not on first date.

I'm not really ashamed of being a hikikomori, so no I wouldn't have a problem telling someone about my hikikomori past.

By now I regard this as a "core feature" of the state of mind I have been in at the time I was a hiki, too. More precisely I'm talking about shame. Shutting in has a lot to do with intense feelings of shame for many real hikis, I believe.

When I quit my hiki lifestyle I did exactly what you've described here: I moved from one city to another. There were only two friends I informed about this step and about my whereabouts (not even my parents knew where I went - though I had no contact to them at that time anyway). I recovered almost instantly after moving, - but beware, not everyone does. I let my best friend live at my flat while I was abroad and it didn't help him at all: He even became more depressed being alone and knowing absolutely nobody in Berlin. I'm not sure whether I would have managed completely without help though, because I had made some new friends and they have been very supportive.

During the next 7 years I was in two romantic relationships and I never spoke about having shut in for 3,5 years before. I was full of shame and it somehow didn't "fit" my "new lifestyle" (everything was more or less "perfect", e.g. going to school again with top grades constantly, having a really cool and awesome looking boyfriend (who did not understand a thing about me) and so on). One day I told my ex about it in a very bold way. Guess what, he didn't understand a word of what I was saying.

It took me ~10 years to get over the trauma of shutting in and not feel ashamed about it anymore. Today I'm much more laid-back about it and I regard it as a major test tool. You want to know whether somebody really is your friend? Confront them and see what happens...

I used to have a real crush on one of my girl friends before my life totaly when down the toilet. We got along great and I was aware that at an earlier time she used to have a crush on me. With my social anxiety it became harder and harder to think about making a move. Eventualy I stoped seeing her alltogether along with almost everyone. Now that Im starting to feel better, I took the time to write her an email, asking how she is and explaining what happened to me, since I never told her. Now I dont expect her to be my future lover or anything (not that I wouldnt like it), this just seems like the best place to get this off my chest.

Se was realy nice, totaly quirky in a great way, I hope she understands.

Well I just received a beautiful and really heart felt email from her. Its a long one so lots to take in, the reply is probably best left till the morning so I can take my time. I'm really glad I did it, and I'm going to try and keep up writing to her.

That's so nice to learn.

This makes me happy to hear

I just read over my previous reply to this topic and although I still don't really feel the need or want to talk about it, maybe someday I will tell them about it. It is something about me after all, and hopefully they can accept that.

i didn't even know there was a term for what i was doing... nor do i know if there is a term for how i think

so i doubt it would ever come up... i would jut say i'm weird
kinda the nicest way to say you are different

If I ever date somebody, they'd probably be introverted/reclusive as well. I can't even picture myself seriously dating a 'normal' person. The kind of person I'd date would be accepting of it, so I wouldn't be ashamed.