Ironically, the person that most remind me i'm messed up of all in the world... Is myself.



I frankly don't see why necessarily if we let various different points of view and life to be accepted then new generations or kids would enter into a moral relativism, then nihilism.

Some off-topic ranting:That's indeed something I can relate to. However, in my opinion any kind of divergence from normality is just a matter of the point of view and I came to accepting my way of a being a mess as nothing more than a logical and non-surprising outcome, when considering the circumstances, and therefore my natural kind of being.

Isn't that what exactly is taking place since the last ~2 decades? From my perspective, we're living in the age of subcultures and individualism.

I think you're right if we're to establish normality in this case as what is healthy, but normal in terms of what the majority does is something more objective than subjective i think, as you said, we are the result of the cirscumtances of our lives and it is logical and perhaps even justified we are the way we are, the only thing i'm not too sure about is the "Natural kind of being" part. By the way, i think that if we are aware of that we are the outcome of what has befallen us, then we can take conscience and enlightment of it, and then being able to change ourselves an our nature if we really have the will, the drive and desire to do so, i don't know if i'm making sense, so, sorry if i don't.



Yeah, i think it's more since the 2000's but i guess you could take it back a bit before, but i just meant that not i don't think that if we say that every way of living is valid then people will be confused and uncertain about life, for example, if we were to impose in a city that homosexual or bisexual polygamous relationships were every bit as normal as heterosexual monogamy, i don't think kids will be confused or something, and in the moral aspect, if you have a guide from the start (say, your parents) you will always have a base, and there are basic things that i believe will always be viewed as essentially wrong and others that will be viewed as essentially right.

I think what bothers me more is when my control slips and people see how fucking messed up I am inside. Like, the other day at work, I just started sobbing. And couldn't stop. For three hours. I physically was unable to stop the sobbing, even though I kept working, more or less, because I refuse to get canned yet again for being a basket case. Apparently seeing someone weeping while stocking apples isn't good customer service, so I got hidden in the back lifting crates until I could "compose myself". That's pretty far up there on my most humiliating experiences list. Now everyone there knows I'm fucked as hell in the head, and going to work now makes me feel like I'm marching to my own doom.

It's so much easier to get along when people see me as just the helpful neighborhood fat chick instead of Crazy Depressed Girl.

when i used to live at my old pad (which was 9 months) i had a job for the first 6 and paid in full the rent and bills (just and my lil brother lived there so we its supposed to be fifty fifty right? welll.....)....i ended up losing my job right when my brother found one.....instead of paying the rent in full and covering my part like I DID FOR him he spent most of his money on booze and hard drugs like coke and worse (he is only 17 or just turned 17).......

so any ways he reminds me everyday how much of a loser i am by putting ME ON BLAST IN FRONT OF COMPANY (to be put on blast is too be told off hardcore no mercy type shit) everytime he has a chance.....he says im a freeloader tells me to get a job or get lost and more messed up shit that that.....shit i prolly cant say on HC or shit too embarssing to repeat.....but it i was being told this and that for the last 3 months of my stay there and it drove me insane.....all i can do now is air myself out and try to relax.....its very depressing....

No, I love it.

i wish i had that mentallity.....im prolly gonna hang that brat....or beatem with a belt buckles or something....ha ha ha not joking...jk...

People complain about how I don't open up to them, then when I do they tell me how screwed up I am. I don't know why I don't care about the death of innocent people, or why I don't feel enthusiastic about anything, and I don't know why I'm slowly hating everyone around me. Being with people who feel emotion for me fills me with shame, guilt, and anger, and I myself tell myself I'm probably messed up for not feeling any positive emotion back. I can't seem to accept anyone for stupid reasons, and I know others won't accept me when they see how disconnected I am.
I can't really ask anyone for advice because they'll either go on the offence and say what they think the problem is, and I haven't met many people who understand or can work with my line of thinking.
I told them that I'm fucked up by their standards, they denied it. Now that they hear it again my father treats me like some kind of psychopath and once again telling me I have to move out. I've been back for not even a fucking day now.
I will kill myself long before I become that old perverted misanthropic hermit.