Yeah, I'm moving as soon as I can. The only thing I"d be leaving is family, I have no friends in real life.

If you ever drop by germany then, feel free to make use of my assistance.

I can really relate to that! I allways thought that it was a clichee people telling you that you are sane, while you keep pleading that you actually feel sick. People do though. And it is really hard to resist those assertions. I keep telling myself that you often do not go to a doctor knowing what kind of physical illness you have, but knowing that you have something. It probably is the same with mental conditions. If you clearly feel that you have one, odds are you do. What kind may be up to the diagnosis of a proffessional, but the knowledge that you are ill most likely has to be diagnosed by yourself.

I don't hate it. I know i'm crazy.

It's strange...

While I acknowledge the fact that I'm strange, it still bothers me when people verbally tell me it. I've no doubt that people think it in their minds, but that doesn't matter as much - it's when they say/do something to make me remember that I'm not normal, and that I waste all my time - this is what bothers me.

If there's anything I hate, it's the fact that I've wasted more than half a decade. By "waste", I literally mean it. To spend more than half a decade in isolation is what I'd define as being a waste. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I've spent so much time in isolation, especially considering that my former life was a huge contrast to this. I instantly cut off many friendships, quit having sexual relationships and stopped doing anything recreational. I always think to myself that "It shouldn't have turned out this way" and sometimes imagine how things could have went.

I've no clue why I get so bothered when other people tell me that I'm messed up. Maybe it's the same reason why obese people get angry when other people call them fat? I don't know the reason, but it disturbs me like you wouldn't believe. The last time someone reminded me about my lifestyle, I swear - if I had a gun on me, I would have shot myself in the head.

It was strong anxiety which lead me to live this way. I figured that, due to my extreme anxiety, I'd never be able to hold a job or enter higher education. So one day, I cut off all my relationships and decided I'd live for a month just to "experience life for a bit longer". After that, I was gonna take my life. I couldn't bring myself to kill myself, eventually got quite used to the isolation, and, well, I'm still here.

I may be accustomed to this lifestyle, but I'll never be able to fully accept it. I'll never be able to say that I enjoy it. The only thing I "enjoy" about this lifestyle is the fact that it allows me to avoid anxiety - period.

i hate when they try to tell me something about me yet do not have any clue themselves. and thats 90% the case. two days ago was a good example. we (steven, his GF and two friends of his GF) went out for bbq at the lake and like it always has to go they ended up talking about me. one of them (giovanni) tried to argue with me all the time like: "oh you cannot waste your life like that" and "ooooh you have to do something theres so much possibilities you just have to take them." i told him i just cannot do it that simply like he may be able to but he refused to understand that - of course. he asked me why not, i have plenty of time because im unemployed anyways and could use the time for endless stuff. and on that point i just thought "look at your belly, it may weight as much as my whole body so why dont do something about that yourself? yeah right that must be something very different. as if you couldnt spend 30 minutes on the bike every day to do yourself a favour"

i like to argue but i hate to argue with people since they are not objective in any way when arguing with you. its just useless and thats exactly one of the points keeping me away from humans. they are dumb fuckers who try to outsmart eachother on a basis they did not even explore themselves.
and i mostly hate it when my dad tells me i shouldnt bother about the problems of this world and enjoy my own life. thats how the world has become a bad place in the first place.

I'm as messed up as I like, I kind of enjoy it actually, and I don't consider it anyone else's business.

A general rule when people are shitty and make bad comments about you or accuse you of something:
If you get annoyed and retort, then they will say something like "With that kind of response I must've hit a nerve" or that why put up such a response if it's not true.
If you pretty much ignore them or don't say much to defend yourself, they'll say something along the line of: "Those who keep silent agree" or "It must be true when you won't defend yourself".
Conclusion: If they've decided your guilt, whatever the case might be, it doesn't matter how you respond.

No oddly enough it makes me feel better. I get offended when people think I'm not messed up. I know I am messed up and sometimes forget it and I think it's good to be reminded. I don't know why I have that logic but I do.

People call me messed up all the time. I laugh and reply 'I thought this was a universal fact by now, you're telling me the sky is blue like it's supposed to be purple!'

It hides how uncomfortable it makes me feel, and people eventually stop telling me whether or not I'm messed up, because everyone already knows.

You don't seem messed up to me.

YES! It kills me when people tell me this. I'm very sensitive. :/ I already feel like a fuck-up in the first place. I don't need an outside force confirming what, in my heart, I already know.

It used to bother me at first, then once I realized the people telling me I was messed up were just as messed up themselves, it became laughable.

People don't actually say things like that to me very often, but I'm always incredibly self-conscious about it anyway. I assume that they're thinking it but are too polite or intimidated to say anything.

IRL I'm very extroverted in a way. I blatantly talk about violence, death, gore, etc.

Is it wrong that I find this acceptable for a teen?

Even the other teenagers find me crazy and homicidal.

Well, I find it pointlessly cruel and counterproductive.

sadly, almost no one knows how truely messed up I am. I am too good at hiding it

oh yeah im THAT COOL ohhheeeheheeeeeeeee

if someone would tell me or be capable of guessing where i truely stand regarding this... id be impressed actually that the person knows me that well?

When people mention your shortcomings it tends to fuck with one for a few days (or weeks even).

There's some things that people remind me about myself that i tend to dwell on for days and become depressed or, rarely, angry.

Who doesn't? Bringing up the shortcomings of the past is is one of the best ways to hold a person back. All that shit weighs you down unnecessarily. That stuff is done now and it's time to move on. The present and what you do with it is what matters.

I know this, and yet I'm the best one at reminding myself about lost time and how messed up I am.

Yea I hate it when people does that. They don't really just stop at talking about your past either, but to give you a dose of reality on how bad the fucking future could turn out even if you're back on track. Fuck that shit.

Norikon, I don't know if you still stand by your views on humans, but I do. It's a cross between hatred and frustration and adoration and amusement, I find it so funny, the predicaments people get themselves into, myself included.

Equally I have mixed views on how I feel when peopl remind me I' m screwed up, it's refreshing when someone acknowledges it, because it kind of shifts the weight from my shoulders a little, in that I'm not the only one who realises. But when they start talking about 'help' I get freaked out/hate it, how can anyone help you, but yourself? I'll get myself out of the mess I got myself into.

I can fully relate to this.
I always feel a little easier when people know that I have some problems, I dont have to worry about puting on a show like everything is fine. There are some people I enjoy chatting with about help since I value their opinion and views, but others realy can piss me off. I have heard some downright stupid 'helpfull' suggestions and the worst part is that they just show up how little someone can actualy understand my situation.

i don't like to think in terms that i'm messed up since i've choose avoid people because i've got sick of them.

everyone i know is full of shit. people are lazy, or they live easy solutions as religion, money, drugs, etc, or they're just sociopaths who only want to take advantage of each other, or they are just dumb. and i just can't pretend i'm there sharing the same bullshit values, laughing, or even looking to someone, honestly, as if i was even remotely interested, that's very hard to fake at this point.