My depression is usually triggered by some event that causes me major stress and emotional trauma (examples: relationship issues, rejection of any kind, overworked from school etc, etc). i won't get depressed at first, but the emotional disturbance will hit me maybe a week or so later. i lose motivation, lack of interest, lack of focus, can't concentrate, become introverted, you know, the usual.

When i feel myself getting over the events, i still find myself in a state of depression i can't quite get over or understand. it usually lasts for around two months and then i experience a month of happiness and normality before i find myself slowly going back to my depressive state once more (doesn't have to occur 'cause of a negative event. Sometimes depression just comes for no reason for me).

it's exhausting having to build myself up again only to have myself break down.

is anyone else experiencing this roller coaster turmoil or have? Any solutions or reasons or ways to prevent such a cycle from continuing? Experience sharing is appreciated and valued.

Are you diagnosed with clinical depression?

Well recently I can say I relate. Certain events in my life have caused me to go up and down quite often. I find myself building myself up or getting built up. Only to start defeating myself a couple hours later. Just like you the depressions are much longer than the feel good sessions. It really sucks, I hate how hard it is to stay happy. I hate how short lived the happiness is.

I find that working out helps me. That will get endorphines into your brain. Also trying to be optimistic helps. You know thinking things will turn out like I expect them too.

Like I said I have been experienceing it in short episodes. The longest one episode has lasted was a day. But I can relate on some small level.

Yeah, a few years back.

@Renji: i take comfort in knowing i'm not alone with these thoughts. Thanks Renji! i'm going to try and work out tomorrow. Was planning to today, but i hate crowds. That's my major issue.

If you are diagnosed you could ask your psychiatrist for something probably. Otherwise, since your condition seems to be changing depending on the way you live, simply change your way of life.

i'm taking medication right now, though i'm not sure how affective it is. The only symptoms i have noticed is apathy and tiredness.

Trying to change some things in my life, but easier said than done, no? Hopefully in time i can get into a routine that works for me. Do you have any general suggestions?

Yeah I hate crowds as well. That is why I work out at weird hours. Provided I am not to tired to work out... which seems to happen quite often. I am never going to lose any weight.

I don't know. Make a short film. Buy a simple instrument and play on it. Write something.

I agree when I am really depressed I find writing down why gets it out of my mind. Well, temporarily anyway, but a little bit of a rest is better than none.

I go through the same cycle I was on meds then I come off them I hated the libido kill.... also I thought I could through it if I worked hard enough...obviously not I have kept a diary over a year and a bit and looking back nothing much has changed I have a violin but then It's barley touched I used to play but then I stopped everything is crumbling...

/endrant

Ah, I've been looking through my diaries too and noticed not much has changed for me either. Haven't noticed a libido kill, but I have noticed and heavy lack of interest for things I used to enjoy (music included). I'm working with my doctor right now to figure out the cause of my cycles...but there's a lot to sift through if you know what I mean. Right now, I'm just going through days of severe drowsiness.

Keeping a diary is a pain in the ass. I find myself unable to recall the events of the day. Plus there are plenty of times when I am just to tired to write on out. Or I am drunk or something.

I have such a thing all the time. Although I'm not diagnosed with anything so far, I understand how you feel. I get that was a lot too, and my moods can go from happy to extremely sad to happy again very easily. If you ever need to talk I'm here :3

Aw, thank you so much SH! Makes me feel a lot better knowing there's someone out there l can talk to.
Right now l'm just in a terribly low mood and don't feel like doing anything. l just stick to my computer just to take my mind away from feeling so numb.

Hopefully l'll be getting out of the slums soon though. Comedy films are somewhat helping.

You're not alone althe! I'm not clinically diagnosed with anything, probably because I've never gone to a doctor, but some days/weeks I can feel awesome and then for no real apparent reason I just fall into a slump where I feel neutral, down, or just overall depressed. Then after a few days I feel fine again. I hate it, because, one, I know I shouldn't be beating myself up over nothing, and two, other than riding it out, there isn't much I can really do about it.

I do keep a personal blog/diary of the sorts and it's interesting to see what/how I was thinking 2 months ago. Like in one post I was talking about how important being positive is and how I was going to try harder, but no more then a few posts later I'm talking about what a piece of garbage I am, followed up by another post that essentially said "what was my problem that day?" I actually kind of laugh about it sometimes, though I know I shouldn't

I should start working out like Reiji

I find comedy always helps me out. Well depending on the cause of my depression sometimes the comedy can make it worse.

I highly recommend working out. If anything it will help bring your spirits up for a bit. Long enough for you to fall asleep.

I believe what you are talking about is similar to the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. For one to continuously experience trigger based anxiety, there must be a stimulus which activates such a thing. It is a splinter which remains. You must extract it. But it's not easy to find tweezers for said thing.

There must be something. There is something which will change all of that. Something you thought was out of reach. You have to smash such a stimulus by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, thus creating new anxiety which may replace the old one. In other words, do something that can help you get better, but still has a lot of anxiety involved. You'll forget about your old anxiety for just a little bit, since there's new immediate anxiety.

An example of what I speak of is a relationship. Many people are afraid of them but still want them and such. If you can find a person to support you emotionally, you might be able to overcome that cycle. It's all a theory, but it's the most valid theory I can think of.

Personally, there's nothing that I could do in the sense of advice, since I'm not that mucb better off.

Nevertheless, I found my personal way to somehow deal with it; if this can work for someone else, I don't know.

From my point of view, there isn't much that I can really do about it, so I use it's mechanism. In other words, wallowing myself in despair as much as possible. If I can point something out that triggered it, I apply "exposure-therapy" and face the cause/s, for example memories, most directly. My line of thinking here is simply: as long as there is energy left to feel down, I will continue to feel down. Even if I try to push it away, it will just come back later. So, the more intense the exposure, the longer the exhausting effect will last. On the other hand, maybe that's just how the chemicals in my brain work..

I've once driven this point so far, that I ended up being a vegetable for approximately 3 months. Since I didn't really exist at this time, I can't tell much about it or how it changed, but the months after this I felt actually pretty good.
Once I reach a slighter level again, I beat depression with it's natural enemy: aggression. Angry, cynic Metal saved me more than once. Works pretty good for me in combination with sleep deprivation.

I go through this in a way--it's more like I cycle up from deep depression into lesser depression and more agitation and anxiety. Then it goes into overdrive with extreme anxiety and anger, then sinks back down into a deep depression again.

I'm okay with this, though. Feeling something is better than feeling nothing. When I was on paxil and felt nothing I got so freaking scared I started self-injuring just to make sure everything still realed and I could still feel emotions. If you ever find yourself transitioning from apathy to depression and sadness over the course of taking a medication--stick with it. That's just your body allowing emotions to be processed again instead of just trapped up in your head.