I just woke up, I've been neglecting my guitar practicing, I like someone a lot and it's starting to create strange unfamiliar and powerful emotions I'm not familiar with (and I've been seeing some things about that as a problem lately ), I missed my meds, I feel like sleeping, and I'm bored. Dumb. They're not that bad though.

aww, thanks Foneternal.
and if coworkers don't get th joke then fuck 'em. you'll be gone in a year anyway right?

Still sticking to the plan, so hoping to be going out west by next July/August.

Yeah! West coast! Hope everything works out for ya~



l feel fat. l know l'm not that fat. l just feel fat. Fat is a feeling, not a shape. l am being a woman right now.

I'm pissed off that my aunt keeps implying that I'm a jobless loser. Like, on the surface she pretends it's cool and
that she understands my situation, but then she'll make offhand comments that are just really fucked up. Like, I
was downstairs drinking a soda and talking about something with my mother, and she walks into the living room.
She thought my mother said "I have something to tell you." and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is "OH,
did senmee* finally get a job?"

Uh, no.

When we both looked at her funny and said that she was mistaken, she was all, "ha ha, you're kidding, right? Why
are you two always lying to me?"

She's always doing shit like that. And she's so judgmental about my piercings and tattoos. Who asked
her opinion?


* Except she used my real name, obviously.

My growing dissatisfaction.

I'm still worried about my mom, I'm worried I might not pass my first test in my online U.S. History class that takes place on Friday (it's on the first 8 chapters, & I haven't even read ONE chapter yet.... Actually, I haven't even picked up the book), I'm worried we'll be stuck living here forever, I'm worried about the appointment I have with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. Basically, I'm just worried about everything.

I'm really really stressing the fuck out about cleaning my room tomorrow. I don't want to go through all the furniture moving and throwing out shit and getting yelled at and crying and cleaning.

Thinking about it earlier today gave me a terrible anxiety attack. It's still hard to breathe. I'm really really really stressing out about this.

The only thing that was bothering me was a stupid $75 fine I had to pay to the school because they won't stop harassing me about undeserved parking tickets. But I sucked it up and paid it. Now maybe they will leave me alone!

I'm sure they'll find something else to charge you for.

My sister doesn't trust people on the net. She thinks some people on HC could be potential rapist. lt really bothers me because l never though of people online like that. l put my trust in people even though l know online and real life interaction are two different things. Still, am l just too naive? lf any of you are rapist, please let me know

I don't think its wrong to be wary of people online. Certainly if I was a woman I wouldn't go to meet someone I met online without a second person and it would be in a public place. I guess it just depends how far you extend your trust.

If you are aware of the possible risks and prepare accordingly though, I think you don't always have to believe the worst about someone. Life without chances is pretty miserable too.

Without knowing your details, nothing could happen. You've a better chance of getting stalked, murdered, etc. by an employee or anyone else who knows you in real life than someone you come across online. People who know you in real life are the ones who know your personal details. Even if you would tell people enough of your details that people could discover where you live, there's a very low probability that something would happen. It'd be a lot more sensible to worry about things that have a higher probability of happening like getting into a car accident, getting cancer, acquiring AIDS, etc.

If your sister thinks that anyone here could be a potential rapist, then what's her opinion on Facebook - a site where people state their real name, location, DOB and any other info that could potentially used by a stalker?

If you avoid giving out your telephone number and home address, you'll be fine. If you do plan on giving out your phone number and/or address, just make sure that the person you're giving this info to is someone you trust - don't openly post this info anywhere. I usually talk to someone for at least 1 month before being able to trust them enough to give out this type of info, but even then, I tend to avoid it as I hate talking on the phone and nobody needs to know my address since I wouldn't want someone to visit me even if they wanted to.

There are a few thing, The first being a few really manic episodes I had over the past couple of days. I get really happy motivated and hopeful. Then I am myself and crash really hard. I get really depressed, hopeless and suicidal.

Which brings me to my next problem. Reaching my goals, I am having a terribly difficult time doing that. Well not really I think I am making progress.. you guys will get to see this Sunday I promise ...... 10 weeks feels like an awfully long time... it will probably be closer to 20 weeks. It is hard being dedicated enough to reach those goals. Especially when I want tow work on my socializing when I am at the gym.... and all the really hot girls are there in the gym bikini/swimsuit.


I guess the final thing is the fact that I currently have no idea how to accomplish what I want to accomplish after I lose my weight. I have no friends and I still have social anxiety. It just sucks to think of how long it is going to take me to figure all this stuff out.

Well it never hurts to be a little wary. I am not a rapist I rely on my charm to make them clothes come off... meaning clothes never come off around me.

the weight never goes away as easily as it goes on does it Reiji? at least that's how it goes for me. just keep at it. even if you only loose a half pound a week at the end of the year you'll be twenty six pounds less than when you started.

My hands have been bothering me lately. I'm terrified that my constant use of typing and gaming has started to catch up to me at my young age. I'm scared that one day I'll lose ability in my hands...

HikiCulture's been bothering me lately. Not really getting the drama popping up here and there, but I guess it adds a bit of spice to the forums. This is the only forum I've ever been on, but all I can say is that I am content with it. I continue going on here for the people so it would suck of some of them left cause the forum is changing (for good or worse, who knows?). Forums are living organisms that mutate and grow as it multiplies in size.

Anyways, I know some of the things I post is immature (intentionally though), but I always try to even it out by posting something relatively intelligent and substantial after. I hope I don't bore or offend or tire anyone with my posts. There's nothing I can do if I do anyways.

Why don't we all just be the change we want to see on this forum, yes?

I don't think that's likely. I enjoy reading about your point of view. There's nothing wrong with frivolous posts here and there either, you're intelligent enough to judge where and when it's appropriate, I reckon. Judging from the amount of people who said they missed you, your posts are a valued part of this forum. So, I wouldn't worry about how your posts might seem to another. I would think of a person that took umbrage at your posting style, that they were being slightly unreasonable.

Everything.

my friend Z, she has been finding any and every excuse to say I do not want to be her friend. She called me when I was at the gym and I did not answer, two nights in a row. Now suddenly she thinks I am avoiding her. Even though I called her back on one of the nights, the other night it was too late. I am sure this weekend she will say "Hey want to hang out" and sadly I have plans. More reason for her to think I do not want her around. it hurts because she can so easily flare up my depression and suicidal tendencies.

@Reanimator: Aww, thank you laddie. You never fail to put a smile on my face.

@Reiji: I'm sorry to say this, but she's being a woman and mind fucking you with a woman's tendency to over analyze and over react. She sounds like me, which is why I know. It's upsetting to hear her affect you so when this is not your fault at all! Just let her know you were busy, but still intend to keep a relationship with her. It's up to her whether or not she wants to accept the truth. I feel like she's just trying to grab unnecessary attention from you (which isn't a bad thing I guess. Just taxing).

Not being able to get a simple fucking job.

Like, really? Come on, it's not that hard. But it's like trying to fight your way out of an enclosed circle filled with nothing but Bruce Lee. It just isn't going to happen.

Also, Althe. I'll send you my resume, but I don't know if you'd get it or not.

I just read you're doing that modelling you were talking about, apple. I'm not really sure what to say, try and enjoy yourself I guess. And don't be afraid to tell them your limits. I'd be terrified too.

I've felt a subtle uneasiness lately, but I can't really figure out what it is. Would rather it went away.